Discovery

_Okay Guys, this is my first story, so if you like/don't like it, please tell me!_

I stood at my Mothers grave. I was tall for 13, being 6 foot 1. My dark hair blew in the light breeze, falling in-front of my eyes. Tears streaked my face, my Dog, Casper, licking my hand intently. Casper is the closest I have to a friend and family. I have never had any friends, and my Dad had left me when I was young. My Mother never told me anything about any family I may have, so I thought it best not to ask. Two men-shaped shadows appeared from behind me and introduced themselves as Mr Smith and Mr Jones. They looked identical: Sleek black hair, Black Suits, Sunglasses (even though it was a rather gloomy day) and each wore a wristwatch. They told him they were going take him somewhere "safer". I don't know why, but I don't want to trust them.

I sat in the back of the black car, while the men climbed into the front. Casper's hair stood up on end as they climbed in, and I instantly knew something was wrong. I tensed, ready for whatever might happen. Both men turned around with their sunglasses off and I was speechless: they each only had one eye. I had read in school about mythical creatures such as these, but until know I had always known them as that: myth. I saw (on the arms of their watch's) swords appear. Well, they looked like swords but they couldn't be. They were pure black and they were swords. Swords don't just appear. Especially from watches. But I didn't have time to be confused as they were already about to attack. I rolled to my right and kicked open the door. Casper jumped at the "things" and one of swords was dropped. It hit the ground as a watch. I blinked. So did the "things". I picked up the watch and slid it on while running away from both monsters. Although only one of the beasts had a weapon, both were terrifying. I thought to myself that I needed a weapon as Casper matched his pace to mine, and a sword appeared. In the blink of an eye, the same black sword the one eyed beast used was in my hand.

I slowed down. The monsters were gaining. I turned, and swung. The black blade cut through the hand of the monster. The one with a sword blocked my attack powerfully, but I was faster. I jumped back and lunged, finding a gap in it's defense. Right on it's heart. Casper bound in and finished the job, ripping it's heart from it's chest. He spat it out, obviously disliking the taste, but the job was done: the monster disappeared, leaving a pile of golden dust behind. The sunglasses and watch remained, but I could examine them once I had dealt with the one handed guy. I spun around, swinging the sword, and gasped: I had just chopped off the head of a cyclops.

After picking up the sunglasses and watch (this one held another sword, much like the first I found, and held a bow too. Strangely, it held no arrows), I examined my injuries: a rip on my suit (I wouldn't wear one normally, but for my own Mothers funeral, I'd make an exception), a cut on my right arm from clipping a sword as I climbed out the car and a slight limp from kicking the door, but nothing serious. Casper lapped his paw, a small scratch on it, but again, nothing too serious. I checked my pockets for change, and had enough for a bus home.

* * *

When I got home, I got changed into some jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt and found my typical black and green backpack, now stuffed with a change of clothes, some money (I also had some in my pockets), a torch, a small amount of food, a small sleeping bag, an emergency tent, a first aid kit, a pen-knife (with cutlery), a water bottle and my Macbook air. I already had my phone and IPod in my pocket, so I brought them too. I decided that I would head for the hills, see if I could find somewhere safe to stay.

__I'm not quite sure I'm allowed to "make up" a character, so if I'm not supposed to, I will re-post any paragraphs with this "made up" character after making a character form__

After catching yet another bus, I made it to the hills and happened to bump into a guy called William, although he preferred Billy. He said he was the same age as me, and had really curly hair. I met him in a cave I found, and we got talking. He told me I was different. Especially when he saw my (new) watch. He told me of a place called Camp Half Blood; a place for different kids like me. He eventually convinced me to leave the cave and leave for the camp. It took an extra 10 minutes to leave the cave, as I saw his furry goats legs and fainted.

* * *

After the train ride and a small walk, we encountered a hill. A pine tree sat at the top. Some kids in orange t-shirts ran up the hill, laughing. I followed Billy up, reached the top, and gasped.

I like how you wrote this first part of the story as well as the structure itself.

I advise you to fix your PoV in your first paragraph. There was one point when you shifted from 1st person to 3rd person, instead of using 'me' you used 'him.' It just threw me off for a couple of moments, otherwise it is fine the way it is.

I also wonder why a person named William, would prefer the name Billy. Oddly enough, the two names aren't remotely the same but then again demigods are odd beings to begin with. And I'll tell you that there shouldn't be any problems creating another character in your stories. After all, they are your stories and in my opinion a story with only one boy and dog would be a very dull way to continue your story.

And good luck with the rest of it, by the way!


PS: I also noticed you use the same asterisk way to change scenes like I do, which just makes me feel a bit righteous in a way (I don't know why I am telling you this).

Thanks for the advice! :)

By the way, William can be shortened to Bill (or so I'm told), so Billy as in Billy Goat. :)

Sean Grey wrote:By the way, William can be shortened to Bill (or so I'm told), so Billy as in Billy Goat.

Good to know. I never knew that 'til now.