broken dreams

A boy name rosas sits in a chair drawing a picture for his friend when he hears a knock at the door. He opens it to see fleaf standing there "hi fleaf i made you a picture" rosas says with a smile. Fleaf takes his hand and drags him to the magic lake.

15 minutes later at the magic lake

Rosas cries "why did you drag me here i thought you were my friend!" Fleaf grabs him and says "to break you dreams!" She thows him in the lake where he dissapears

Alright it's a little short continue and it might get better

Thanks yeah next one will be longer

Continue plz plz plz continue its good very good if you want you can read the unfinished books i have on wattpad:

Here is one of em

http://www.wattpad.com/4304957-lexi-stiller%27s-ultimate-journal-title-of-your?d=ud

Ok thanks

:) you are welcome

rosas feels him selfs slaming in the the water his world then disspared suddenly he was droping from the sky. His eyes where closed so he could not see bou only feel the harsh wind then slaming to the ground like a space rock to earth. He is nocked out for 1 hour beacuase of the hit.

1 hour later


Rosas wakes up to see a man with dark black hair saying "welcome to broken dreams". Rosas stands up and see's lonley people with broken dreams. Rosas asks"what is this place?" then man replyies by saying "this is were people get rejected they go to this town or jail till they get another dream"

This is getting better...

thanks

Awesome keep going!

thankyou

Interesting...keep it up! It's cool!

Rosas looks at all the people and is shocked about how many people have gotten rejected. The man continues to say "if they dont get a dream they die! But they only die for 1 day then go to the real world" rosas looks at him then at the people and guys to greet everyone ignored him except one boy.............

This is pretty good, though the capitalization is off a bit and there are some fragments

It's well...certainly a interesting plot, but I don't find it exactly the most appealing story out there. First of all, the grammar makes me a bit disinterested, please put in more description to make it seem far more vivid. Also, well, this seems more like a roleplay with yourself than a story, to be honest.

ok

good keep on going if you want any suggestions you can ask me or if you want help tell me.

The boy looked up at him with a dark sad face the saying "why are you here no one like a greeting". Rosas snickered and said "well, you talking to me so I gusse you like new people" the boy stood up and took rosas to a house. The house was dark bluee with dead brown grass and fog around it it kinda looked like fleaf's house! they went inside to see ghosts and a woman............

continue its super good now i have to work on my book on wattpad.

thanks alot you the best ever

Okay. You need better grammar, better spelling, a more connected plot, and longer segments.

You need to make a new paragraph when someone new speaks, you need to post longer parts of the story, and you need to tie things together. You can't just say "I'm at home la la la" then "HELP ME I'M AT A LAKE".

You need to have something in-between. Maybe something describing them getting kidnapped and dragged or forced there.

thanks

The woman was about 15 she had plae skin back hair and black eyes it buged rosas but he keep going with the boy. He then said "by the way my name is xavier what is yours" rosas looked at him with a smile "the name is rosas". They then went down scary black old stairs when they got to they were down the stairs rosas saw something he couldn't belive.......

Wait too short segments.....

kk