My poetry (updated! 9-10-13)

/sobs
they're beautiful. And you made one for me gosh Zach
Thank you.

Zachattac wrote:
Perhaps now.

I'm back

Nice work! These are cool!

amazing

and isnt the one about me obvious?

a poem for you

There once was a zach of USA
Who spent time rping all day
Hes on CHB
and is a good friend to me
and i cant write poems, yay!

that took about five seconds and I couldnt think of a line for the last one

------------------------------------

Daniel

Spoiler:

the lions den gave it away

Lol thanks jaz

lol

I swear, Zach, that you are going to be famous poet someday.

I don't see it :)

Thanks though! Yah never know, I might be famous after I'm dead or something. Eh, I just enjoy showing my thoughts through poetry.

You are quite good, really! And I am standing by my statement earlier. I bet you'll be famous when your alive.

Thanks, would you have any ideas for my next collection theme?

Let's see..... How about the four seasons? Spring especially gets a good amount of writing material.

I'll try, I do sell poems in my shop if you would like one too

Ad honestly, I think I'll have more material in autumn

I wouldn't know, since I haven't written that much poems on anything, let alone autumn.

It's just my opinion, some people prefer spring I'm sure

I actually like summer best, you don't see much odes to Summer around.

Hmmm I might do a summer poem

Yay summer poems

This is critique for your poem: "Sapphire" (which I adore). Please note that These are just some technical/flow stuff, so...

The last line of the first stanza has some timing/flow issues. I'd recommend (and this is just my personal opinion) not having it rhyme. The thing I've noticed (both in my poetry and in reading others) is that sometimes, rhymes can cheapen the poem. For example, in a poem my Gregory Orr called Be-all (who I LOVE) one stanza goes:

a place where
all my longing
will become belong.

And it works so BEAUTIFULLY. Had he said: "a place where all my longing becomes belonging" I feel the poem would have been cheapened. I feel the same with your piece. And I really don't want it to be cheap because it's SO. BEAUTIFUL.

The same thing goes for sun and Carribean.

HOWEVER, I absolutely LOVE the rhyme b/n life and advice (plz keep it)

The line "The art she crafts is astounding!" Has some flow issues, to me. I would recommend rephrasing it.

I love the line:
"A person a million in one
A one in a million,"
Oh my gosh, I love, love LOVE that line (I want to steeeeeeaaaal it)

I, personally, dislike the line: "Or are you blind?" Because it seems a little bit harsh and out of place for this poem. I recommend either cutting it, or changing it.

I seriously LOVE the last two stanzas. ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. This is a seriously beautiful poem, Zach. Can I read it for my creative writing class?

Of course you can use it (no stealing my lines!!!! Yet.)

If I actually decide to publish that poem I'll do some editing, but for now I'm concentrating on a new collection, if you wish you can help. Or should I edit it now? I'm having some problems with this so yeah, help would be...helpful

Of course, of course! I'd love to help!

Thank you! Just pm me then!

*Raises hand shyly*

I have an idea for your next poetry set

What about animals? I would especially enjoy one about birds.

Or maybe...what's it called when you put lines from different poems together to make a new one?

Nutjob I think your onto something! I can start ASAP!

*goes to Poe collection.8