A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem [Content Warning]

I'm not really sure how to write this, or what exactly I want to get across here. So I'm just gonna explicitly say what I'm think and hope that someone or multiple someones can make sense of it. Last night my best friend, Nick, killed himself. I would rather not go into the details and I would rather talk about others. I would rather let people know that this is not an extreme you should ever need to go to. This is the first time I have ever known some personally to have killed themselves, and I'm not sure what exactly what I'm feeling. But I know that I don't want this to have to happen to anyone. I wanted to post this here because a lot of people lose their way I think, and that's okay. Just know, that even though you might think no one is there for you, there is. There always is. Some people can be cruel and unfair. But there are always good people who care about you, and what happens to you. Whether it be a friend you've known your whole life, or a person you just met on the internet. I feel like I'm rambling and I'm not 100% sure if anyone will understand what I'm saying but I hope that people who lose their way know that there is someone there. And if you see someone show the warning signs, and I know this sounds stupid as f*ck but I'm dead serious, at least talk to them. It might make the world of a difference. I'm just going to stop here, and leave a quote that I've been think about all day. Yeah sure call me a nerd it's from a video game but it applies.

"Compromise. That's what everyone has insisted on. And so I have learnt it. But differently than most. I realize now that it will take time, that the road ahead is long and shrouded in darkness. It is a road which will not always take me where I wish to go - and I doubt I will live to see it end. But I will travel down it nonetheless. For at my side walks hope. In the face of all that insists I turn back, I carry on: this, this is my compromise.”
-Ratonhnhaké:ton

"I'm sorry bro... that's a big loss you got... hopefully we're still here to cover the sorrow you're having... No you're not a nerd, you're just someone, and that someone's, wanna make a difference, You got my respect for what you did. Sometimes, crying for someone, is a real sign of being a real man. Crying out for help and support, means crying for peace from the person within. Always remember we're here to offer you the peace and support that you need. Heavily locked friendships may bring happiness and joy, and at the other side, grief and sorrow. That's why you're lucky you got us, the one between you and him, the one that will bring you advice. Jamsen here loves you my friend."

*and if you're wondering if I got that from video-games, you're not the only one.

Thank you for the very kind words. They mean more than you know

I'm not good at expressing myself and I'm pretty sure a simple "sorry" isn't enough. It's not going to bring your friend back. I've felt how it is to lose someone close to you and I just wish to say that you have support. Because one of the things Death forgot to mention is how the ones left behind will cope. Anyway. I don't know what was the situation but I'm guessing it wasn't good if it led him to this. It might sound crazy, but I find what he did brave. I'm not encouraging it by any means and I totally agree with the "not go to such extremes" thingy but in some twisted part of my brain, I find it courageous when you have the guts to stand up to a life you hate. Some also call it quitting, but one may see it as accepting that you lost, not just a battle, but the war. I know it's not the most appropriare speech-post and you probably hate me - I'd hate me too if I were you - but it's the best I can offer. I hope it makes sense to you what I'm trying to say. If not, it's alroght, you're not the onky one

And since I haven't really said it from the beggining, I'm sorry for your loss

My condolences for your loss, man. Coming from a family where depression has run rampant and untreated, I am familiar with both the struggles of depression and feeling helpless itself, as well as bearing witness to the fade of someone's motivation and love for life itself. It's never easy losing someone, especially a person who played a big role in your life, and feeling unsure of what to do now is only natural. Though some of you may be aware, for those of you who are not, five stages of grief are as follows: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance. Different circumstances can make each stage more or less severe, and there isn't exactly a fine line in when to feel what, with what seems like some of these feelings overlapping. And it's frustrating, but can't be helped. The fact that you feel something at all, even if it is confusion, means that you're invested, and that you cared.

Death is an inevitable outcome for every person; that much is true. We have control over how fast or slow that happens, though, based on decisions about our behaviors, habits, thoughts, etc. It's always a shame when someone feels like they haven't got the energy in them to keep going, and quite often they slump into a low so steep and so far down, that the blue and warm sun above can no longer be seen. In these instances it's crucial for friends and family--a support network, really, to offer a hand and pick their lover, friend, or even stranger back up. The value of life is unparalleled by anything, and sometimes we all just need a little reminder of that. Of how truly, undeniably important and loved we are. Of how much each action affects those around us.

I think this is a nice topic. The title is a little bit alarming, and there should probably be a trigger warning placed before the actual suicidal content, but the sentiment is certainly there. I don't know if you're religious or what you are, but your friend Nick is always with you, and I don't mean in a floating ghost or sentient existence necessarily. I mean he's impact your life, shaped your learning and shared your actions--he is a part of who you are today. Whether it be subtly or blatantly obvious, he placed down blocks for you to step up into your current identity, and that will never change. He existed, and he made a print in the lives of you, his family, and certainly many others. Cherish the thought that he will never, truly be gone.

This thread is an extension of love. It has the potential to reach people who may be shrouded by self-loathing, or anger, or stress. If nothing else, your friend has drawn this out of you, and even something as little as a forum topic offering a hand can make all the difference in the life of someone teetering at the edge who is too frightened to call out to the masses. This is a topic where you call out to them, and I think Nick would be really proud of you for that.

Once again, I'm very sorry that things had to come down to this, and I have to insist that you list some sort of content warning, but you and everyone else on this site have support and love from the other members. Nobody is ever really alone.

I am very sorry for my timelines in regards to responding, the last 24 hours have been pretty hectic for me.

@Perca: Thank you for the condolences, although I understand what your saying, I'm not sure if I agree with it. I have seen Nick be brave. I have seen him be courageous and I have seen him laugh harder than I have seen anyone else in my life. But in the last moments of his life I do not believe he was brave. I am not saying I am angry at Nick, more as I am with myself. I knew he was suffering and I helped him, talked with him, messed around with him, adventures together. But could I have done more? How could I not see this coming sooner? I don't know however thank you for your honest thoughts.

@Finch: Thank you so much. You have no idea what your words have meant to me. You seemed to put my thoughts to words far better than I ever could. All I really want is to prevent this from ever happening, or at least to the best of my abilities.

I'm so sorry for your loss Trevor. I think Finch has said everything I wanted to say on that topic.
Also, I think I needed to see this today. Thank you.

You are very welcome, I'm glad to have made a difference. That's all I want to do, help make a positive difference. Thank you for your condolences, and I agree Finch put it very nicely.