Another Day, Another Regret

Lunch. One of the most social meals of the day. The break for everyone from their awesome activities in camp. Everyone except me that is. I never saw any of my siblings, i got dragged into a horrible nightmare that kept me in my room all morning, and I wasn't exactly in a good mental place right now. My black and blue horizontal stripped long sleeve V-neck was soft against my sensitive arms as i pulled the ends down and help them in my hands. I could still feel the outline of the razor in my back pocket of my dark blue skinny jeans. With a sigh of regret i placed some pasta and fruit on my plate, walking to the small alter for the gods. Please help me ward off the nightmares father. I can't take this forever. i pleaded silently as I pushed all my food into the fire and put my dish away, sitting at my cabin table alone. I still hadn't seen Edward today so my best guess was he 'forgot' to meet me here for lunch then the tour of the camp. Checking to see if anyone was watching me i pulled out my small razor from my pocket, watching it gleam under the table. Sure my sais or katana would have worked fine but i just liked the feel of this more. Instinctively my hand traced the, now clearly visible,horizontal scar over my collar bone from where my stepfather had cut me once before mom divorced him.

Just before the razor touched her skin, unbeknownst as to the events that she has been through this morning, Edward slides into the bench across the table from Nerissa. He was still wearing his 'robes' as he called them, in reality it was merely a fancy hoodie that symbolized his allegiance with the brotherhood. He hadn't gotten a chance to take it off since last night, seeing as he had only returned to camp but an hour earlier. He had bags under his eyes from no sleep but was still full off energy. A high that Nerissa seemed to give him. "Good morning Beautiful" he says with a smile.

I felt myself jump and quickly wrapped my hand around the razor, feeling it dig into my skin just enough to cause a minute amount of blood to start flowing from it. Oh....hi.... I said softly, still looking down at my hands and watched as a single drop of scarlet managed to slide out of my palm and down to the floor. Yes i was shying away from talking to him, and yes it did hurt to have to act this way, but I was not in the best of places and right now talking was not something i could bring myself to do without crying.

Edward frowned slightly. He could tell something was up, something was wrong. "Hey, what's going on?" He asks, concerned about her. Maybe she was upset about him leaving the night before? But that didn't make sense, she seemed happy before he left. He wish he could explain to her why he had to leave. But he couldn't.

I shook my head and watched as a few more blood droplets fell to the floor. Thank the gods nobody had seen any of them yet or her friendly deminor would vanish for good. What the heck tho. If someone was bound to find out soon enough it was Edward. I moved my hands from my lap and placed them on the table, palms down. then I removed them both and made fists. My razor and a small pool of blood were now staring at us both. To me this was one of the hardest things to get over from my past and the nightmares. N....nightmares. I managed to choke out as I felt hot tears role down my cheeks and fall into my lap.

Edward's eyes widen when he sees the bloody razor. He doesn't know what has happened but he does figure that Nerissa probably needs someone right now. He quickly switches sides of the table and puts his arm around her. With his other hand he takes the razor out of her hand. "Would you like to tell me about it?" He asks softly.

I shrug my shoulders and felt a few more tears role down my face. I hated crying. I hated it so much. I had grown up with nobody except my mother and she always taught me never to cry in front of others if i could help it. Out of slight fear I pushed up both my sleeves till they were at my elbows and showed Edward what all I was doing. Every bare inch of skin on the underside of my arms was nothing but fresh cuts and scars. Sometimes.....I wish i was just dead... I trailed off as I stared down at my arms which i had hidden partially under the table so only we could see the damage I had done.

Edward was blown away. He didn't see this coming at all. The look of concern was plastered on his face, but he quickly masked it so no one would see. Her arms were covered with scars, obviously from a razor. Perhaps the very same razor Edward had right now. He turned back to Nerissa and said "Hey, don't say that. Out of all the people in this world, you are the last one that deserves to die." Edward looks back down at her arms, then back to her face. He then puts his hand on her cheek, holding her face which is but a few inches away from his own and without thinking added "And also I'm a selfish bastard and I think I'm in love with you."

I was dumfounded. Completely dumfounded. How, in the name of the gods, did he feel that way about me. I HAD ONLY KNOWN HIM A DAY! I looked back down at my arms and watched as I pushed my sleeves over the scars.No you don't. Nobody does. Not even my stepfather did, and he loved everyone. I said as I traced the scar across my collar bone. this was breaking my heart to talk like this. I quickly grabbed my razor from Edward's hand and made a fist around it, feeling it pierce my palm again and felt a few blood drops flow free.

Ouch. Edward's chest felt like it had been cracked opened by a mountain lion. What had he expected though. Honestly who says that? This was like the third outburst Edward had around this girl. What was it about her, that made him that confused, so open. Edward was hardly ever confused and never open about anything. But he honestly felt something for this girl, something he hadn't really felt before. "You don't know how I feel" Edward said defiantly. He decided to stick to his gun, or however that stupid saying went. "I don't know anything about your stepdad, but I can tell you from experience, step-parents suck @ss. They all do, cause they don't fill the space that they're supposed to."

I looked from my palm to Edward and my heart began pounding against my ribcage. Tears began welling in my eyes and I felt then spill over as I just stared at Edward. Maybe i was wrong. Maybe i need to stop letting myself be in this cage alone. I'm sorry. I said breaking the gaze and looking back down to my now open palm that help more blood and one of my many razors. I've been at this for so long i guess they don't seem like that big of a deal to me. What's a few puddles of blood anyway? I set the blade on the table and watched it gleam in the noon day sun, tears still spilling from my eyes.

Edward offers a kind smile, however it is small. He was still blown away by this information. "Let me help you." Edward offers, taking her hand in his own. He removes his hand from her face and slowly pulls the razor back from Ness. "Let me take this. I don't want you hurt." With two fingers Edward applies pressure to the small wound, like he had so many times before for his own wounds. "We should probably apply dressing and a bandage to this. Or at least a bandaid." He says, grinning a little.

I....I have other ones in the cabin. I say looking in my lap and wishing I had my moths to comfort me and play with. I stood up and grabbed Edwards hand. W...will you take those too?

Edward stands with her. "Lead the way." He says.