Secret

OK IMMA GO WITH THE SECOND VERSION!!

You have some spelling errors, and missing some apostrophes and such.... Someofyourwordsgolikethis.

Make sure to double-space between paragraphs, too.

All I say to the words are:
STUPID KEYBOARD
The paragraphs, well that a great tip! Thanks Kenny!

this is pretty good.

I like it, even though i got lost a bit. Its a bit clumped up. When you write a story with talking in it, you should do like this.

Bill walked into the room and sat down next to Susan. "Hello" Bill said

"Hiya!" Susan replied. She looked over at Larry.

"Hi Bill. I'm larry. I've heard a lot about you." Larry said.

"Thats not stalkerish at all..." Bill said.

see. You have to put like a lines space in between the talking.

remeber its work in progress..so its not the official copy..just a preview before teh complete one i guess

I liked it

More Than Just Me
Chapter One, Version 2

I walked through Malcom Hall, trying to avoid the eyes of the students in the hallway. I held the books a bit more in front of my face. I was the type of person who was quiet, almost invisible.

I saw Logan’s eyes settle on me when I walked by his group that leaned on their lockers talking about sports and stuff, I had a crush on him ever since first grade. Mason nudged him as Logan zoned out looking at me. “Quit it!” He laughed. “Quit it!” Mason mocked. Mason gave him a nuggie and Logan struggled out of it. I looked at the door to the office, I walked in feeling dizzy.
I’m Skylar Juliette Eve Jakles, a girl who is known to talk to herself and had a seeing problem. I had plain brown hair and normal brown eyes. I go to a year round academy that’s for kids with problems, like ADHD, dyslexia, Blindness, Deaf, and others.
I see my mother every summer for six weeks, because she’s an archeologist. I live mostly with my older twin sister and brother, who treat me as if I’m their own daughter.

I walked into the office and I saw a black high top converse stick out and I almost tripped dropping the books. I heard snickers from Mason and the others, and Logan trying to shut them up, I smiled but it faded as Jade snickered. I looked at my principal, but them he disappeared and turned into his complete opposite, then reappeared. I blinked confused again and handed him the books. “Ah! Thank you Mrs. Juliette.” He said and I left muttering a welcome.
I walked outside and twirled my hair walking back; I needed to have a distraction just to walk through the hallway. I saw Jade and Marilyn appear at my sides, Jade was a goth version of me and Marilyn a girly version. “Nice Going, that’s the second time you trip over my foot.” Jade muttered. “Shut up!” I complained to her, bad time to say that! I passed right by Mason’s gang, and Jade was on their side. Mason was about to walked up to me. GREAT! “What was that..?” He asked in a way. He didn’t know my name, even though ive been with him at school since first grade aswell. “Eve.” On eof his buddies said. “No, its Juliette.” One corrected. “No, its Sky.” Another said. Mason turned to Logan. “Well, Logan, whats her name? you’ve been staaring at her for weeks, what her name?” he asked. “Sky lar Juliette Eve Jakles.” He said. Once he said that Marilyn appeared. “ooh! He likes you!” she said all innocent. “No he doesn’t.” I said looking at her. I saw atleast twelve of Mason and his gang, I felt dizzy and Mason just decided to come over. “What was that misfit?” he asked. Now, that pissed me off. He grabbed my arm as I was about to walked away. “Leave me alone!” I yelled. His opposites grabbed mine and I flet pain come in my arm, he digged his nails into it. I looked at the principal who came reading a book. “No Misfit, that’s your name, misfit.” He said with a stupid grin. The principal looke dup.
“Mason!” he said sternly.
Mason looked up. “Oh, Mr. Nillus, I was just asking her what her name was and…and..” I knew he was preparing for a lie.
“Yes? She did what?” he asked.
“Smacked him!” one of his stupid friends called out.
“Yes!” he said. I looked at him as if there was a mark on his face!
“Beautiful Lie Mr. Mason, but there is no mark on your face to prove it and the fact that your holding on to Miss. Jakles arm that way.”
He let go. Finally.
“Thankyou!” Marilyn said. “Shut up Marilyn!” I told her.
Mr. Nillus looked at me. “Mason, Mrs. Jakles has a vision problem, she wasn’t talking to you, just figures of her imagination.” He explained.
Thanks, really Mr Nillus, the explanation was perfect.
Logan started at me like I was some mutant,. Then Mr Nillus gave an example, “Mason, your friend Logan here has the same problem as well, and you do not exclude him, nor bother him. Now, leave her alone.”
I walked away and ot a glimpse of Logan turn a bit red, and then Mason receive a detension slip.

Time to explain? Wel fine, im not the average person like said before. Im a choosen person, he girls I see, they are several versions of myself that when combined, make me. Goth and Girly in my case. They are from different worlds, one of the Goth girl and the other of a Sweet I can put it that way.The worlds are in danger, ever since the rulers of each world called war between each other, and it’s been going on for over billions of years. The Son and Daughter of each ruler choose together the families who would have the child who would fix this war and bring balance back.
Im one of those people, the girls your nt suppose to see.
I can see them, and there are five people in the entire world who ae like me, we are suppose to meet eachother one day, and that day, we go trying to bring back the balance, and kill the starter of the entire war, Ludarian, the father of the kings, who has caused it, our job is to find the reason how the war stated, and try to fix it.






heres the second version, im keeping this one

So far things have been suspicious around school, I feel as if everyone around me could be them, the rest of the group, but then I fell scared, I feel as if im the one whos too far away from them, as if im the only one whos missing.

I walked towards the elevator, my zooning out happened alot, so i didnt hear my best friend Jake call for my a bunch of times calling every one of names. I turned around and she banged right into me. "Jeez Jake! Watch were your going!" I graoned. She helped me up. "Im sorry, listen sometimes and I wont have to bump into you." she laughed.
That was Jake, my bubbly friend who died her hair red because she likes red velvet cupcakes. Jake was dyslexic, the reason why she was here. She never knew her father, but her mother who loved her forever, i was envious of that alot. Jake, unlike other people believed me, believed me that I saw people, Marilyn and Jade, she made me feel as if I still had hope to save the balance.


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You sometimes don't capitalize "I", you are missing some apostrophes, and "fell" doesn't equal "felt", as well as "were" and "where".

You use commas a bit too much in your last part. Only use it when really necessary, like in a sentence like this: I decided not to kill anybody today, only because I feel like I've cracked my elbow.

Oh..I knew that..

It would help you to type it up in Word first to fix spelling error's and such. It helps me. But you are doing pretty good. Keep it up!

.......Im in a writers block mode !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rita, you talkin to me???

Nicosgirlfriend wrote:It would help you to type it up in Word first to fix spelling error's and such. It helps me. But you are doing pretty good. Keep it up!

Actually, the first and second version was on Micrsoft..well..bye! I have to go do homework.