Lving like it counts...

tilting my head back I looked at the ceiling. Why does everything happen to me I thought.

A strange bone crushing noise filled my ears.... that noise again. My sword lay near by. Gripping its wire wrapped hilt I cocked my head to gather more noise into my ears.

"ROSABELLE!"

My head whipped side to side trying to make seance of who had said my name.

"ROSABELLE!" A young man entered the room.
"Jance!" I hurried forward ready for the news.
"Rosabelle, they think its you who assassinated the king..." Jance's green eyes echoed my fear.
" I need to leave..." I said picking up my bag.
"There is a horse waiting for you outside."
"Thanks..." I could always count on Jance.

"And Rosabelle..."
I turned not knowing what to expect.
Jance grabbed me around the waist and kissed me tenderly. "Be safe..."



To be continued...


Comments and critisim welcome

I think you should work on your punctuation; you're missing commas and didn't capitalize your first sentence.

And it lacked detail. The more detail, the better, but please don't give us a paragraph on how her hair sparkles or his eyes glittered....

The black horse's hooves were almost silent in the Forrest. Fear still pounded me from five minutes ago. The forest was competently shrouded in black,but with the sound of predators in the distance. Human or not I still didn't want to deal with them.

"Whoa..." I said my voice seeming loud in the quiet. Placing my hand on the silver saddle horn then swinging my leg over I jumped down.


To be continued....

((That better?))

Check your spelling.

What happened? It moved fast. It's too short, too.