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    I wrote a fanfic :>

    Four
    Four
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    I wrote a fanfic :>  Empty I wrote a fanfic :>

    Post by Four 8/29/2011, 11:00 pm

    Welp. This is a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, and its full of crack. You dont have to read this, its for my RP friends.

    CHAPTER UNO.

    One faithful day, Vanitas discovered a new world. It was calleld Twilight Town, if he had heard correctly. He didnt go into the town; too many people. He could check that out later, preferably sometime at night. So he went into the forest instead.

    The forest might have looked creepy and dark on the outside, but inside it was just a forest. There wasnt anything scary in here. Just some trees and bushes and grass. How was this supposed to be scary?

    As he went deeper and deeper into the forest, the raven had come across a creepy, old mansion. Eyeing it suspiciously, he walked up to the gates and tugged on it. Locked, like he predicted. With ease, he climbed over the gates and landed safely on the mansion property.

    The people here had probably expected the gates to keep people out, because the door was unlocked. Vanitas kicked it open, and went inside with caution. It was dark inside. Dark, dusty, old. The usual random-creepy-mansion-in-the-middle-of-the-forest thing. Too bad he didnt have a flashlight with him; he could barely see.

    As he walked around in the dark, he stopped as he saw a dim light come from the second floor. Curious, he found the staircase and went over to the room. Inching the door open, Vanitas looked through the small crack and saw the room empty. With that, he flung the door open to reveal a white room.

    He stepped into the room, looking around for signs of unusal-ness. To be honest, the only suspicious thing in here was the mysterious drawings taped to the wall. OTher than that, it was empty.

    Vanitas stepped closer into the white room, he noticed one of the drawings had a familiar figure on it. Was that.. Ven? A look of confusion flashed over his face. This guy in the drawing did look like his enemy. But he was wearing a black coat.

    Suddenly, his thoughts where disturbed as heard a loud, high pitched voice screeched behind him. The dark figure whirled around to face a petite blonde girl, looking at him with wide, scared eyes.But the girl's expression quickly changed from fear to confusion. ".. Sora?" she asked in a leveled tone.

    It was Vanitas's turn to look confused. "Who?" he responded, arching an eyebrow.

    "You're not him?" the girl's eyebrows raised, but then she shook her head. "Nevermind. But.. Who are you?"

    "The name's Vanitas." he answered, crossing his arms. "Who are you?"

    "Namine." she replied, placing a small hand on her chest. "I'm a memory witch."

    Vani didnt look so impressed by that statement. "Thats cool." he said in his bored tone, turning to look at the picture of Ventus again.

    "Whatre you doing here?" Namine asked.

    "I just found this place," the dark haired boy answered simply, his golden eyes not leaving the picture. "Decided to check it out.. Did you draw these pictures?" he turned to face her as he asked this question.

    The blonde nodded, and Vanitas asked another question. "Whos that supposed to be?" he pointed to the picture.

    Namine walked up to the picture, and then smiled at him. "Thats Roxas." she answered with a twinkle in her eye. Vanitas assumed he was her boyfriend or something.

    "Oh. He looks a lot like that idiot Ventus.." he murmured to himself.

    "Who?"

    "No one." he shook his head. "Just an idiot I know."

    "Whatever you say.." Namine said, and then frowned. She could already tell that Vanitas was bad news, even though they had just met. She had that sinking feeling in her stomach, like her gut was telling her to run. Why, though? He didnt look like a threat.. So far. Despite his clothing, he was fine.

    Vani suddenly opened a portal of darkness, messing with Namine's thoughts. "Ive gotta get going." he explained before stepping in and disappearing.

    Suddenly, it all made sense. That boy was a man of darkness. His golden eyes, that feeling she got around him. His ability to open portals. The blonde girl put a hand to her chin as she thought something, but quickly pushed it away.

    Namine went and sat down in one of the many chairs at her table, going over her thoughts. Vanitas.. His voiced lingered in her mind. He was dangerous. She shouldnt be concerning herself with him. So why couldnt he get out of her mind?

    ~~

    ... Yeah.
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    Four
    Four
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    Female
    Number of posts : 17924
    Age : 25
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    I wrote a fanfic :>  Empty Re: I wrote a fanfic :>

    Post by Four 8/29/2011, 11:52 pm

    smhsmh
    thanks P:


    Last edited by Vanitas~ on 1/20/2012, 9:50 pm; edited 1 time in total
    Alakaz Nightis
    Alakaz Nightis


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    I wrote a fanfic :>  Empty Re: I wrote a fanfic :>

    Post by Alakaz Nightis 10/24/2011, 11:29 pm

    It's good. But one piece of advice for future reference. You might want to remain on one side PoV. At the beginning it was all about Vanitas' PoV, until the very end where it said, ""Whatever you say.." Namine said, and then frowned. She could already tell that Vanitas was bad news, even though they had just met. She had that sinking feeling in her stomach, like her gut was telling her to run. Why, though? He didnt look like a threat.. So far. Despite his clothing, he was fine."
    Anyway, i don't think it sounds right to be on both side of the character's PoVs. You would usually shift a PoV only when a chapter ends or when the scene changes.

    I hope this isn't too much criticism from me. I mean, I think the way you write is fine and I really liked this chapter and I hope you do continue writing this fiction.
    evon
    evon
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    Post by evon 11/3/2011, 10:00 am

    YAY! KH fan fict! and a good one! Keep it up
    I<3 axel!

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