Me, Myself and Time

Ariel's POV

I ran from my step-dad and into my room and packed all the stuff I had (Mainly a few CDs, Ipod and clothes.) into a backpack and waited for my step-dad to go back to the bar. Well I waited for about an hour I looked at my cuts and bruises "Not to bad, could be worse." I thought. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" I heard my mother scream. CRASH! I heard my mum whimper. Now he had crossed the line! "GET OFF OF MY PROPERTY BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!" "Ariel, don't honey! It'll just be worse!" "No" I thought it couldn't. Most people think I'm weak and can't fight my own battles because I'm blonde with blue eyes. Well screw them; I can fight my own freaken battles. "Come on Mum lets ditch this hell hole." "No! Ariel, you have to go by your self! Go find Camp Half-blood!" "But mum!" "GO!" Tears were welling in my eyes as I ran out the door with one last look at my mother.

I ran quickly down the street and bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry!" "It's okay! I'm Travis Stoll, son of Hermes!" I looked up and saw a boy about my age, with brown hair and blue eyes. He was semi-cute. Wait did he just say he was the son of…. "Did you just say that you were the son of Hermes?" "Yeah! I'll explain let me take you to star bucks!" Well I have been craving a mocha for a while so "Okay" "Good lets go!"


This is a Fanfiction I wrote that I put up on Fanfiction. This is a little more appropriate!! If you want the original PM me!! Its rated PG-13 (The original) THIS ONE IS RATED G-PG!!!![/b]

Intresting.Go on.

Hmm, interesting. I'm a little confused about who's talking where occasionally, so I'd reccomend starting new paragraphs when different people start talking.

It moved very fast. Try adding more description, stuff to make it flow better.

Like Kimi said, make new paragraphs when people talk.

Minor spelling and grammar issues. You're missing commas, and occasionally mess up "too" with "to".

what they said, and hehe...love the title.......hehe....Me, Myself, and Time......(isn't that a song from SOny With A Chance?) but GO ON PLEASE

Very interesting, you should put more up. I want to read more.

I'm interested to see how the title fits in. I've edited what you have so far, just for fun. Would you like to see my notes?