Tome of Chaos

Ok, I'm writing a completely different story alongside with the one involving this site's characters. I hope you like the first excerpt ^.^ Read and Reply!

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Prologue (5 Years Earlier)

As the young boy weaved through the forest, he shouted in a worried tone, "Laur, where are you?" He zigzagged in between the giant oaks and other coniferous trees that populated the Deadly Forest. He had jet black hair that was cropped short and his irises contained a deep brown hue. His skin tone was a natural, sun-kissed tan and he wore his camp shirt and black shorts. The boy was about ten years old, but due to the rigorous training during camp, he could easily outrun most mortal middle schoolers. With his dagger in hand, he kept darting through the forestry, searching for his little sister.

He heard a ruffle of leaves and the snapping of twigs, but he knew it didn't come from his own feet running on the ground. Breathlessly, he quickly stopped and hid behind a thick oak, hoping it would conceal him from the stranger nearby. The person's shoes crunched on the leaves louder, indicating that they were heading towards his general location. There was no hesitation in the stranger's movement either, still just a casual walking pace. The boy gripped the handle of the knife in his right hand and gulped down the would-be yelp which would've given away his location to this unknown presence. The oblivious character was only a few steps away from finding the young half blood's position. Before he could think himself out of it, he quickly turned and pounced on the other person.

The girl yelped in astonishment and sudden fear as she got tackled onto the ground. She looked up at the boy weighing down on her, not letting her go, and her once, fearful emotions turned into a raging outburst. She gave him an vengeful glare with the same matching brown eyes.

"Andrew Cain Eddington, what do you think you're doing?!", she yelled at the him.

Bewildered by the fact that the stranger was in fact his best friend, he agilely rolled off of her and stood up. "J-Joanne, what are you doing here?", he stuttered.

Joanne rolled her eyes and got up, as well. She brushed off the dirt off of her camp shirt and jean shorts. "Looking for you, you idiot. Now, why are you running around with your dagger like a crazed maniac?", she demanded as she shook her long, brown hair of leaves and other debris.

"Lauren went to into the forest a few hours ago and hasn't come back yet.", Andrew stated as he sheathed his dagger.

"Oh...", Joanne whispered. She knew how he and his sister were very close to each other and that Andrew was very protective over her. "Well, don't you still have the link?"

He shook his head. "The empathy link doesn't work. I can't even locate her general location anymore. It's like she's being shrouded by something."

"Or someone..."

Andrew stared at Joanne for a moment, hoping to gods she wasn't right. He continued walking the way he was, trying to shrug off the idea and focusing on finding his three year old sister. Joanne sighed and followed after him. She knew she shouldn't have said it, but the odds were... likely. She strutted beside him and analyzed his facial expression. Andrew's learned to hide his emotions with a mask of obliviousness and indifference, but if anyone could decode his mind, it was her. She could see his saddened mood through his calm looking eyes, and the slight scowl gave away his grief.

As they kept walking and searching for Lauren, Joanne stayed silent, not wanting to say anything wrong again. But as they broke through the clearing, she couldn't help but say, "Oh no..." as she saw what was in front of them. Andrew was looking at their flanks, hoping his sister was off to the side or something. The sound of Joanne's voice got his attention and he, too, stared ahead. His eyes widened with horror.

There, about fifty yards in front of them, stood little Lauren. She was wearing an oversized camp shirt that went to her knees and jeans. She looked perfectly fine, except... for the black, shadowy glow that radiated from her body. "K-k-kuya...", she whispered inaudibly at the sight of seeing her big brother.

Regaining his senses, he ran forward, screaming, "Lauren!" Joanne ran after her friend once again, but she stopped as something, or someone, began to appear beside Andrew's little sister. Andrew realized a little later at what was happening, but stopped a few seconds afterwords. Next to Lauren, the a new black, cloudy substance began to grow and form into... Chaos. She stood there in a black strapless dress. Her black hair flowed straight down and stopped at her shoulder blades. Being the primordial creator of everything that has become, she had multiple forms. This being one of the more 'friendly' types.

She smirked as she saw the two awe-strucken demigods. With a snap of her fingers, Chaos created a pair of hellhounds between them and her. Joanne, being the one who snapped out of astonishment first, touched her bracelet and let it form into a composite short bow with celestial bronze bladed tips on the ends. It was automatically strung for immediate use. A quiver filled with the standard two dozen arrows appeared on her back. She grabbed one of them and nocked it onto the bow. Joanne pulled it back, aimed at the hellhound bounding for her, and released. The arrow whistled through the air and hit the beast dead center in the head while it was in mid-leap. It tumbled down onto the ground, with the shaft protruding from the poor victim's skull. Seconds after, the monster exploded in a flurry of golden particles.

Andrew got back his composure and unsheathed his eight and ten inch daggers. He scowled as the witch made the hellhounds target them. He ran forward, meeting his monster midway. The hellhound pounced towards him, but it missed as Andrew rolled forward. As he dodged the attack, he rose his daggers vertically, letting them meet contact with the beast's skin. The blades ripped through the underbelly and it turned into a powdery mess before it even touched the floor.

Andrew got up and yelled out in pure anger, "CHAOS!!!" But when he looked where she and his little sister had been moments ago, they were already gone.

Chaos had kidnapped his sister.

His knees buckled and knelt to the ground, tears starting to stream down his face. He couldn't believe what just happened. Joanne ran up to her best friend, quickly changing her weapon back into a bracelet. She knelt beside him, trying to read his facial expression. Apart from his obvious emotions of helplessness, failure, and utter denial, she began looking in his eyes, in his heart. She saw something that made her realize that his tears weren't of sadness, but of anger. She could see the pure rage welling in him, but also something else.

Hope.

Elpis was still strong inside of this young demigod. For he knew he'd find his sister. No matter what. He understood that whatever Chaos was up to, she'd keep from killing Lauren. Why else would she take her? Why else was he still alive? Empathy links made the other people die, or at least make turn them into a vegetative state, once one of them dies. Andrew knew Lauren was still alive.

And he was willing to fight Chaos, herself, to get her back.

OMG THIS IS AWESOME!

*insert 'you're amazing' here*

That's pretty cool. There are a few things you need to fix, though.

WOW SO GOOD I WANT MOAR SO YOU BETTA MAKE MOAR OF DIS OR ELSE

Could you please specify, Pickle? I'd like to improve my writing style so any advice would help (:

And don't be afraid to criticize it guys. I'd really appreciate even little comments on 'this and that'. It would mean a great deal to me!

This is beautifull ♥
I don't have any advice/critsism yet, but I might later.

Can do.

1. When describing your characters, don't put all description up front. Slide it in whenever possible without drawing the reader away from the story. Another option is the character who's point of view you're in; they can describe who they're with and such.

2. Avoid adverbs! This is a little known trick that will help your writing a lot. If you find yourself using an adverb, try looking at different ways to word the sentence. Example:
"Breathlessly, he quickly stopped and hid behind a thick oak, hoping it would conceal him from the stranger nearby." could turn into:
"Breathless, he stopped and hid behind a thick oak, hoping it would conceal him from the stranger nearby."

3. "Andrew Cain Eddington, what do you think you're doing?!", she yelled at the him.
should be
"Andrew Cain Eddington, what do you think you're doing?" she yelled at him.
a. Commas never go after quotation marks. I saw this in many other places.
b. Avoid using more than one mark. By putting "she yelled" at the end, you get rid of the need for the exclamation mark.
c. You have several typos like "she yelled at the him."

4. "K-k-kuya...", she whispered inaudibly at the sight of seeing her big brother.
a. comma misuse again
b. adverb warning (see below)
c. the sound "k" is not inaudible if pronounced. Also, if it's supposed to be inaudible, you can simply say "her mouth moved without a sound" or something to that effect.

Uh... that's about it for now. I might think of something else later.

Mhm, I'll make sure to keep all of this in mind for future writing. Thanks Pickle :DD And yea, I tend to overuse adverbs a lot xD Gotta watch that...

It's very good.... I don't see much wrong with it.

This'll be the start of the actual story. I purposely made this chapter sappy, trying to test my skills on romantics and crap xP Hope you like it! And yes, for those who know some of the actual characters, they are somewhat based off of my life, what I wish could've stayed in my life, and some imaginitive exaggeration mixed together xD Read and Review!

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Chapter 1- Pure Bliss

Joanne strolled in the courtyard after a long practice session at the melee arena and a quick shower. She quietly entered cabin eighteen, home for the Minor Gods' children, and went to her bunk. She took a quick look around, noticing she was alone. She towel dried her hair and brushed it, making herself look presentable for tonight. It was, after all, the Fourth of July fireworks and dance tonight.

The theme was casual, which she preferred. She started letting her mind wander off as she picked out a cute, midnight blue graphic tee and a pair of skinny jeans. Joanne wondered if her lazy boyfriend would even be ready by the time she went looking for him. She thought, Most likely not.. She sighed as she looked at her reflection on the mirror. Joanne, like usual, decided not to put on any make up, other than some light blush and lip gloss. Taking another glance at herself, she grinned. This'll do. She put on her Converse and left her cabin.

***

Andrew laid down, gazing up at the orange and purple sky. It was obviously sunset, meaning that the dance would be starting soon enough at the beach. He thought of going, at least to try and have some fun tonight, but something was holding him back. Something... important. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew it had to be related with her. Where is she... It's been five years, and still she was gone. What could that woman want with her? A primordial deity kidnapping a young demigod wasn't just some coincidence. Something big was gonna happen. But what?

He sighed, trying to shake off the thoughts. What use were they? It had been half a decade and still, she was nowhere to be found. As long as she was safe... was alive... The link! It had still been there ever since now, so he knew she was alive. But that wasn't enough for the stubborn demigod. He needed to see her alive, not just know she still existed. Did the creator of everything take one of the most important person in his life just to mess with him? His thoughts went on and on, creating even more questions and not enough answers. He was only confusing himself in his mental endeavor.

Trying to clear his mind again, he sat up, using his elbows as support as he still leaned backwords. Andrew stared into the horizon, at the sinking sun. Apollo was almost gone, and along with him, Andrew's last chance for a quest this summer.

***

Joanne was scowling and had an exasperated expression on her face. The festival was starting soon, and still, he was nowhere to be found! Where could that moron be! She spotted two of Andrew's friends, Kelly and Roy, near the climbing wall. Running up to them, she asked, "Hey guys, have you seen Andrew anywhere?"

At the sight of Joanne, Kelly stubbornly looked away. She still hadn't forgiven her after the last capture the flag where their quarrel went a little out of hand and into the creek, resulting in two soaked and freezing demigods. It wasn't the fight itself that resulted with her spiting Joanne, it was the reason for it. Kelly had always flirted with Andrew, and she, along with several others, just didn't know when to stop. Especially when Joanne was with him. It was the perfect opputunity for her to teach Kelly a lesson. The daughter of Zelus wasn't really the kind to let go of grudges easily, and having her father as the god of jealousy only augmented her flirtations.

"Even if I knew, it's not like I'd tell you." Kelly muttered.

Joanne rolled her eyes and looked up at Roy. "Do you know?"

Roy shrugged and shook his head. "Nah, the last time I saw Ace was with Finbar and Will near the arenas in the morning."

"I just came from there earlier, he's probably somewhere else by now."

Sighing, he looked around, hoping to spot Fin or Will. To her luck, she spotted a familiar 6'8" African American just coming out of the mess hall. She screamed across Euros Creek, "FIN!"

Finbar turned around and grinned at the sight of his companions. He wondered why they were at the wall instead of the beach by now as he ran towards them. "Hey guys. Why are you here?"

Kelly pointed to the climbing gear she and Roy still had on, and Fin couldn't help but weakly say, "Oh..."

Snapping her fingers to get his attention, Joanne queried, "Finny, have you seen Andrew anywhere? We're gonna be late for the dance!"

Fin tapped his finger on his chin, trying to recall the day's progression. "Well we went to the arenas to practice in the morning. Then, some crossbow training at the archery range. He probably took a shower and went to his cabin or something."

She raised her arms up helplessly. "But I've checked our cabin already. He wasn't there." She let her limbs drop to the ground and released a hopeless sigh.

Roy had a sudden thought and burst out, "What about the roof?"

Joanne's eyes widened, realizing that she looked everywhere but the one place he goes to for quiet isolation. "Thanks, Roy! We'll meet up at the beach." She said as she ran towards the courtyard once again.

The two boys watched her run off while Kelly took off her harness. "Will you guys stop staring and let's get ready for the dance?"

They looked at Kelly, blushing slightly. "Er, right." Roy replied.

"Yea, um, sorry..." Fin uttered.

***

Joanne ran back to the cabin eighteen, but instead of going towards the front doors, she went to the right side of the building. Looking up, she saw a familiar face in the middle of the roof. Though slightly agitated, she couldn't help but smile to know he finally found him. Hey, at least he looks okay. He wore ripped jeans and a light hoodie over his v-neck. She yelled out towards him. "Hey!"

Snapping out of his own little world of despair and hopelessness, Andrew blinked and looked down. Grinning back, he carefully stood up and walked to the edge of the roof. "Hey."

He formed a translucent, square platform in front of Joanne for her to step on. As she did, he began to raise the small dais off the ground, making it hover upwards. When it leveled with the roof, she jumped onto it and naturally lost her balance for a few moments as she got used to standing on the slightly angled surface. "Whoa!"

Andrew held her arm, helping her stabilize herself once again. He couldn't help but laugh at her clumsiness. She pouted at him, pretending to let him think she was hurt that he'd think it was funny to see her almost fall off and hit her head on the ground. But she also knew that he knew better. Andrew would never let her get hurt. In his world, there were two main axes (plural of axis) that kept his mind in balance, Joanne and Lauren. One was already taken physically from his life, and the chances of finding her were so slim... So he held on dearly to his only angel left. No one would take her away from him, if he could help it. Being thrown into this eternal battle of confusion and uncertainty has beaten his nearly broken willpower so much, that he upheld Joanne as a savior from his war in himself.

Realizing that, maybe for the millionth time, he pulled her into a grateful hug. Joanne, unsurprised by this habitual action, couldn't help but hug back just as much. She could feel the warmth radiate from him, there hearts beating in a synchronized tempo. Just being there with him was a gift in itself. The two of them had known each for eight long years; it only felt natural to give into these emotions of wanting and care. Coming from abusive, uncaring, distrustful families, they were accustomed to depending on one another, especially at their most dire times of need.

Love wasn't the right word to describe what they felt, but it was gods damn close to it.

Breaking free from their long hug, she smiled up at him. "So you ready to go?"

"Actually, I was thinking of not going." He replied.

Frowning, Joanne questioned, "Why? Everyone's gonna be there." She also teased, "You need to stop being so lonely."

Andrew smirked. "I was hanging out with Fin and Will earlier today."

"You know what I mean. Socialize, have fun. Not be sweaty and practice all day."

Andrew stared off to the edge of the treeline. This action always made her uneasy. Like she did something wrong. But she never did. At least, not to him. Joanne looked into his eyes, like she always has, trying to figure out what's going on inside of him. She could see that he'd been thinking of her again. And it looked like it was slowly becoming worse. His face showed no true signs of sadness, but looking closely enough, she could delve into his soul and see him for what he truely was. He was like a cracked mirror, ready to shatter into pieces. He'd tried so hard to fix himself back up, even with the help of his friends and mentors, but nothing was able to do the trick. The only thing that would mend the scratches was the sight of his little sister with him once again. That goal seemed so far away as to be thought unreachable. But somehow, he knew he'd get there. And she'd be there beside him, from start to finish, every step of the way.

After a long silence, Andrew finally spoke, "Let's just stay here for the night. You and me, on this roof, instead."

Her brows furrowed in confusion. Why would he want to stay on some roof rather than party? Sometimes her boyfriend had strange ideas, but she gave in nonetheless. "Oh alright."

They walked up and away from the edge. Sitting down next to each other, Joanne shivered slightly by the cool breeze coming by. Not giving a second thought about it, Andrew took off his hoodie and put it on her shoulders. She smiled at him and gave him a quiet, "Thanks."

He beamed back and wrapped his right arm around her waist, pulling her closer. He kissed her forehead ever so lightly and replied, "No problem."

Joanne couldn't help but giggle. At the sound of her own laughter she said, "Oh gods, I sound like a little school girl."

Andrew laughed. He sighed contently, letting his mind go free. With her around, he thought, felt, and acted much more positive than when she was gone. They stared into the night sky, looking at the star patterns, and making up their own shapes out of them. They talked about anything that crossed their minds. Throughout the night, they smiled, laughed, and sometimes argued over petty things. In the end, it was alright because just being in each other's presence was enough for the two demigods. When dawn came, they finally went down and into their cabin, sleep deprivation getting the better of them. Preferring to not seperate even for a brief moment from each other, they decided to sleep at his bunk.

This was so much better than going to some dance.

This was pure bliss.

its good!

Hey, Ace. I've got some more edits for you. Want to see it?