shadow snakes

I ran through the woods panting, grimacing pain shot up my leg as I ran.

Sorry, I am getting ahead of myself, it all started when I turned 12 my parents insisted that I went to a summer camp when I tried to get out of it so they picked out a camp for me. They picked out the stupidest camp ever! Snake camp, I can’t believe them, how couldthey send me to a snake summer camp?



I finally decided to call my friend Samantha and John my two friends

“Hello is Samantha there?”I said

“Who is this?”Mrs. Jessie asked

“This is Sean, Samantha’s friend from school.”

“Oh hi Sean just a second.”

“Hi Sean” Samantha said

“Hi Samantha” I said

“How many times do I have to say it call me Sam”

“Fine anyway my parents are sending me to snake camp I am so mad I can not believe them how can they be so cruel?”

“Actually I am going to attend a special snake camp I get to learn about every type of snake, where the live how to kill them and if they are poisonous or not.”

“Key word learn”

“Hold on I’m getting a text from John”

I have your friend John if you ever want to see him again you will come to the old pier on Johnston St. in one hour with five hundred dollars and if you call the police your little friend here will be taking a swim tied to bricks and come alone so not tell anyone(John)

“Listen Sam I got to go”

“Bye for now” beeps.



I hoped onto my bicycle and went to the bank

“Five hundred dollars please” I said

“Please deposit credit card.” Click.

“Please come again” said a voice on the intercom

As time ticked away I had ten minutes to go two miles so on my ride there I had to cut through peoples’ yards Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One, time was up

“I guess I will have to kill him” Said a mysterious voice that I recognized “Alex Stop!” I shouted





“To late Sean’ Alex said

Where is John?” I said

“At home watching TV I tricked you ha”

So I started to run toward my bike then a snake came out of the bushes and it attacked it must have been at least twenty-five feet long and one foot wide. I was sure I was dead but the black snake went right past me and jumped into Alex knocking him into the lake then I lost sight of them as they went deeper and deeper then I saw a red blotch then a black dot it was the snake carrying John, they sprung out of the water in a cloud of smoke two people were there John and my Science teacher! The next morning there was news about a missing child by the name Alex. When I left for school I was dumbstruck that my teacher was an alien snake. When I got to my locker there was a do not cross sign all over it. Mr. Conner was calling me over to another locker

“Here is a temporary locker while yours is being modified” said Mr. Conner

“Thanks” I said

I placed my back pack in my locker then went to first bell, math. Mrs. Danielle we were studying for our SOL, today we’re studying fractions, decimals, and percents. After math was science we played bingo to review space exploration and the planets. Afterwards Mr. Conner asked me, Sam, and John to stay after class the bell rang and everyone left except the three of us he led us down an eighth grade hallway to an old supply closet labeled janitor we walked in and she pulled a lever and a hand sensor appeared in mid air he said a word in a weird language that I didn’t recognize then the wall shimmered then disappeared and revealed a staircase leading down “how are we going to go down when we are on the bottom floor?” I asked

“It is an illusion a giant cage is perched at the bottom of the pit.” He said

Again he said a word that sounded a bit like hallway then a hallway appeared out of thin air

“No way am I crossing that holographic bridge” Sam said

“I will go first” Mr. Conner said

As we went along the path I could see fifty foot long black snakes at the bottom at least three miles down in complete darkness

wow that is realy good!

You need to use periods and commas more often. There's also some run-on sentences. This lacks a lot of detail that would be great for the story.