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    Percy Jackson: The Lost Adventures

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    Post by -Chris- 6/3/2012, 8:41 pm

    This is about the unknown adventures Percy Jackson POSSIBLY could have had. According to book 1 of The 'Heroes of Olympus' Chiron says campers HAVE encountered roman demigods but it was washed from their brains later. I am attempting to write a story of an adventure Percy could have had. This takes place about a month after The Battle of the Labyrinth. Enjoy!


    Chapter 1

    I was running up Half-Blood Hill. The monsters were after me. BOOM! Lightning Flashes and I feel myself getting... larger. I'm being transformed into a tr-- Whoops wrong story. Wow! Wrong Person too! Sorry!

    I was sitting in my cabin with my hand in my black hair, and Annabeth walked in.
    "Hey Seaweed Brain." she said to me. I don't bother too look up, I was still upset about how many lives were lost last month.
    "Hey Annabeth," I said glumly. "I feel a very big battle will be coming up when I turn sixteen, but enough lives have been lost. I don't want to cause another battle." I told her.
    I sigh and shake my head. She walks up to me and grabs my hand and she pulls me to a sitting position on my bed.
    "Maybe we should talk to Chiron." Annabeth suggested. I nod my head planning to ditch her on the way there, then I get up and hand in hand we walk out of the cabin.
    When we reached the river I jump in with her. I knew she knew that we would both propel ourselves across, unfortunately for her, she was only half right. Once we were in the water I used the water to propel her across but I propel myself towards the lake. She starts yelling at me but I just chuckle. When I reach the bathrooms I get out of the water and once again, was confronted by the Oracle on a stroll. I start freaking out, but before I can do anything the green mist appears...

    3 demigods must Unite,
    To save Manhattan from the deadly fight.
    Both sides will reveal,
    That they can both make out a deal.
    They all must work to survive,
    Or else one by one they will all die.


    I blink as the Oracle walks back to the Big House. For some reason everyone who was there didn't notice. I walk back to my cabin in wonder as I memorize the prophecy.


    Hope you liked it! :D This was my first try at making a story.


    Last edited by -Chris- on 10/25/2012, 6:54 pm; edited 2 times in total
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    Post by Arik 6/3/2012, 11:29 pm

    Okay, here are some pointers:
    1) When there's dialogue you should put a space between each person's quote.
    What you're doing:
    "Hey Seaweed Brain." she said to me. I don't bother too look up, I was still upset about how many lives were lost last month. "Hey Annabeth," I said glumly. "I feel a very big battle will be coming up when I turn sixteen. Enough lives have been lost. I don't want to cause anymore."
    What you should be doing:
    "Hey Seaweed Brain." she said to me. I don't bother too look up, I was still upset about how many lives were lost last month.
    "Hey Annabeth," I said glumly. "I feel a very big battle will be coming up when I turn sixteen. Enough lives have been lost. I don't want to cause anymore."
    2) You use too many periods. Try to combine some sentences so it feels less choppy.
    3) Watch your spelling and capitalization.
    Otherwise it isn't too bad considering it's fanfiction.
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    Post by -Chris- 6/4/2012, 6:03 am

    @ Loki

    Tried doing some things you asked but I'm not very good at everything. I did my best, but I am only 11.
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    Post by Mason 6/4/2012, 9:48 am

    It's good.
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    Post by -Chris- 6/4/2012, 10:08 am

    @ Tony Stark/Mason

    Could you poll it?
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    Post by Mason 6/4/2012, 10:20 am

    It won't let me.
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    Post by -Chris- 6/4/2012, 2:32 pm

    Do you know how to fix it?
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    Post by Mason 6/4/2012, 2:44 pm

    Sadly, no.
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    Post by -Chris- 6/4/2012, 5:34 pm

    Now, the next Chapter.


    Chapter 2

    I took a few steps back as the Oracle walked away. I feel myself falling into the water and once I'm in it I start willing myself towards the Big House to tell Annabeth. But the water won't obey me. I realize I'm not breathing. I eyes bulge.
    "Something very powerful must be keeping me from using my powers." I conclude in my head and I swim upward.
    One I reach the surface of the water I find myself in the middle of the ocean. I ask myself my bearings and automatically I respond with coordinates. (Author's Note: Not sure how to say this in bearings but let's say Percy is off the coast of San Francisco.) I find my coordinates and I gasp because I ended very far from CHB. I start swimming towards the shore when I see a dock. I head towards there and when I get up onto the dock I see a tin can called The Pax.
    "Boy, what a Cute little ship." I think to myself. I walk down a little path to a large walled city.


    Sorry this chapter was shorter but I didn't want to put him entering CJ in this Chapter.
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    Post by Blaze 6/4/2012, 10:07 pm

    I always make some details if I don't want to put a main idea of a chapter.
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    Post by -Chris- 6/4/2012, 10:56 pm

    Overall do you like it?
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    Post by Arik 6/5/2012, 12:24 am

    Your chapters are more like paragraphs...
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    Post by -Chris- 6/5/2012, 7:41 am

    Yeah, I'll try to make them longer. :(
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    Post by Bell 6/5/2012, 8:36 am

    it's good!
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    Post by -Chris- 6/5/2012, 8:38 am

    Thanks! :D
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    Post by nix 6/5/2012, 10:32 am

    I dont really like this, because first, since it is a paragraph it feels you are more like roleplaying with yourself than telling a story. Secondly, this is Percy basically being ooc? And thirdly, everything feels a bit awkward, especially the dialogue. Thus, I really do not see the sole pirpose of this fanfic/story.
    If I made any spelling errors I am sorry since I am writing this on my nook tablet.
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    Post by -Chris- 6/6/2012, 12:11 pm

    Mango Breeze wrote:I dont really like this, because first, since it is a paragraph it feels you are more like roleplaying with yourself than telling a story. Secondly, this is Percy basically being ooc? And thirdly, everything feels a bit awkward, especially the dialogue. Thus, I really do not see the sole pirpose of this fanfic/story.
    If I made any spelling errors I am sorry since I am writing this on my nook tablet.

    As I recall, Percy always narrated like this, possibly with minor differences.
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    Post by Kendall 6/6/2012, 3:04 pm

    Actually, Percy never narrates like this. With his narration there's a lot more description and the dialogue flows -- I think Mango's right, your dialogue is pretty awkward.
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    Post by Geniosity 6/20/2012, 9:08 am

    I really think you could use some more description. You said that you wouldn't be able to tell where he is by narrating as Percy. Just have him see some landmarks! You could make him look around seeing those and have him recall the times he fought monsters there or something. Then the second chapter would be even longer than the first! In the first chapter of "The Last Olympian", Percy spends two whole over-sized paragraphs retelling his day so far. Those two paragraphs, in length, are the equivalent of your story so far. It's OK that you're 11, I am too. If you're making a fan-fiction of a book, read the first few chapters of the book so you can remember stuff. In the books Percy doesn't get his quests so fast. It's pretty creative, though, and I respect you for the fact that you were able to come up with a good prophecy that rhymed.
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    Post by cyrene_valerie 7/19/2012, 8:15 am

    i like this, keep writing, and your skill would be improved by the time,
    but if you stuck with the idea, try to write something, that percy would never do, than back to his real character

    *i'm trying to see ths as a fan fiction, because of the oracle,, i mean, at first i see real percy, but then the orace come out from her place,the oracle never comes out from her place except something big really would happen right? hehe
    just my opinion though, over al, i like it :)

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    Post by Crazy 7/26/2012, 3:33 am

    These stories are awesome and I love them. Please do more!
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    Post by -Chris- 9/18/2012, 4:51 pm

    @ Above

    Thanks, I wanted to stop writing Cuz' of the critics, but maybe I'll give another Chapter a go.

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    Post by Davis 9/18/2012, 5:40 pm

    Critics are only here to give you advice. Some of it might sound harsh, but it'll help you in the long run. Critiques make for stronger writing (assuming you're getting critiqued from someone experienced in the field.)

    Actually, that applies to all things. Movies, writing, drawing, singing, sports, etc. Critics show you where your flaws are, and make you acknowledge them, even if you don't want to. So while it may sting, it shows you where your weak points are, thus giving you the capability to fix them. Don't let critics stop you from doing what you're passionate about. They're rough around the edges, but they're here to help.
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    Post by cyrene_valerie 10/25/2012, 3:37 am

    Finch wrote:Critics are only here to give you advice. Some of it might sound harsh, but it'll help you in the long run. Critiques make for stronger writing (assuming you're getting critiqued from someone experienced in the field.)

    Actually, that applies to all things. Movies, writing, drawing, singing, sports, etc. Critics show you where your flaws are, and make you acknowledge them, even if you don't want to. So while it may sting, it shows you where your weak points are, thus giving you the capability to fix them. Don't let critics stop you from doing what you're passionate about. They're rough around the edges, but they're here to help.


    I have to agreed with this one, you should be glad you have someone who critics your work because that means they would like to see your progress, you're lucky buddy :)

    Keep writing I'm dying to read the next chapter ;)

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    Post by -Chris- 10/25/2012, 6:41 pm

    Due to circumstances beyond my control: Which happen to be begging fans. (Sorta) I will now be making a new chapter. xP


    Chapter 3

    As soon as I approached the city I saw an elephant, some Satyrs... Were they begging for something...? Anyway, I saw some kids, seemingly demigods, in purple T-Shirts, helmets, and Gold Weaponry. I was first thinking "Are these some Half-Bloods who don't know about CHB so they survive on their own?" I saw a blonde guy, who really reminded me of Luke, in some kind of toga holding a kitchen knife and a few Teddy Bears. I chuckled a little and decided to follow Mr. Teddy Bear.
    "Hey!" I called. "What is this place?" I ask as I reach him.
    "Camp Jupiter, NEWBIE." He said with a I'm-Better-Than-You-Because-You're-Dirt look, sneering.
    I was a little startled, "Um, OK, what exactly happened and where are the cabins?" I ask.
    He just answered "Go talk to Jason or Reyna, I really don't care," he said as he moved on.

    I pondered this encounter a little and went to another guy who was polishing some armor and asked him "Where's Reyna and or Jason?" I ask. He pointed me in the right direction then went on with his work. I started running towards where he pointed. I came to a building with two dogs. Upon closer inspection, they weren't quite dogs, because they had razor sharp teeth and they were made of gold and silver, with ruby eyes. They growled a little but when I took out Riptide they were silenced. I sheathed my sword and walked into the building. I was 'greeted' by a boy and a girl, looking like a king and a queen in their chairs.
    "Uh, Hi, my name is Percy Jackson."

    The girl gasped a little but tried to hide it, but the boy nodded.
    The boy replied, "I suppose Lupa has allowed you clearance here?"
    "No..." I strained my mind desprately to find something or another Annabeth had told me about this Lupa. "Was she some roman woman..?" I ask.
    He looked disgusted, sharing the same face as his "Queen". "Lupa, the WOLF GODDESS?!?" He said, as if trying to remind me of something.
    "Are you rubbing in my last history test?" I ask him.
    He facepalmed, I expected to be in some trouble now. Only this time, Annabeth didn't have my back.



    I think this is my best chapter yet!

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