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by Belle 10/16/2015, 5:05 amImportant! - This is a topic that will be comprised of diary entries I have written from my chracter's POV and stuff that has happened in her past. Note that I may purposely have overuse of some grammatical functions and misspelled words and confusion, for the purpose of displaying her younger ages. Most of her entries will be from her 10-14 year old self so they will not be as developed from recent topics. I will try to post the entries in chronological order.
Note: This one might not be the best if you're sensitive to heavy topics.
2011
- Saturday, January 15th, 2011:
- Saturday, January 15th, 2011
For awhile I had been spending more and more time with my grandmother! I love her so much! Just this morning she was knitting me a toque, which is just a hat that goes over your head or something, haha. It was green and white, my favorite colour ever! When I say that I mean the color green of course.
Unfortunatly I dident get to spent anytime with grandmama today, I had to meet my mom’s boyfriend. I wasent very excited to say the least. Why was she replacing dad? Where was dad anyway? Did he not like me? and if so why would this guy like me? I wasent that likable.
We went out to my fave place to eat. There was when we met up with him. Coming up to the table he stood up to greet us. He was tall and broad in the shoulders. The man had dark hair but blue eyes. His eyes scared me and I don’t know why.
We sat down, and I watched him hold my mothers hand. Ew. I didn’t want to eat supper if I had to watch this. We were having a casual conversation when I looked up to him. Now known as Pavel and asked. “What do you do for a living?” I figured it would have been something grandmother would ask and try to find out.
“Well you see Dominika, I just moved here awhile ago and I am still looking for a job.” I had thought for a few minutes, he hadent had a good answer really. Pavel and my mother have been dating for like 8 months prior, that was plenty of time to find a job wasn’t it? “So a long way of saying unemployed?” I could give pretty well you could say.
They ignored me however and began to be lovey dovey. I excused myself to the ladies room, and on my way out, I was shoved against the wall, and those eyes I didn’t like were staring down at me. I told you there was a reason I didn’t like them.
“Trying to make a fool of me?” His voice growled to me and I could see the anger across his face. “I don’t like you.” I told him and I could see his nostrils flare. I could feel his grasp on my arm tighten, to the point I felt pain. I suppose he realized this and let go. I rubbed my arm and returned to supper. All I could hope, was that my mother could make a good choice and not pursue this man any longer.
- Tuesday, October 25th, 2011:
- Tuesday, October 25th, 2011
It has been a week since my mother married and got a spouse of her own. They had gone on a short honeymoon and had enjoyed the company of each other, while I enjoyed the company of my grandmother. We talked about how we didn’t enjoy Pavel too much but she was excited for me that I would finally get that father figure that I had always wanted.
Today was a mess though. Watching them come home I realized that he had made my mother act like a different woman, and she was not in the role of my mother. She was in the role of housewife to have her husband Pavel be there for her, yuck.
Pavel tried to act like my father, telling me to clean my room? Who does he think he is? He has no right to tell me what to do, just because he married my mother?! He has some sense of entitlement that need to be reevaluated for the love of god!
Besides the point he seems a bit demanding and creepy and seems to have a sense of leadership and order to him. If you are out of order, he will try and fix you and he will do so with no mercy. He’s a strict man and I hate him. He has no right to presume the title of my father, he even wants me to call him father! Excuse me?! How about no, I will not, you are not my father and I refuse you to be such!
2012
- Sunday, August 12th, 2012:
- Sunday, August 12th, 2012.
Today was a day with my grandmother Inga(which were fairly rare by now.). Mother was at work teaching the youth of our town how to dance and to work on their form and technique and she often taught later adult classes as well.
Usually from the times of seven in the morning to seven in the afternoon. I hardly saw her but the bills had to be paid somehow so that meant mother needed to have multiple different classes throughout the whole day.
Days with grandmama were never bad and could never go wrong. She practically has raised me and I love her dearly, despite her strict and stubborn nature form the “Don’t do that, child.” to the “That’s wrong fix it now.” phrases that she would always tell me. I know most of it was in good fun.
It was actually from my grandmother herself that I had learned to dance. My mother contributed but grandma had ignited the passion and flame within me to keep trying. It was probably from all the jabs and snide remarks she’d make at me for why.
Often times I wonder, where all the men in my life have gone. I know grandmother says that grandfather died a few years before I was born. I still couldn’t help but know my real father however. I always wanted to know, and asking mother never got me anywhere. Especially now that she has a new husband who I can not stand. Luckily I am not the only one who despises the man, my grandmother hates him too.
Mother could have done such better, but I was thankful that grandmother agreed to take me today. Every day spent with Pavel was torture. The man was brutal, he was mostly super nice, but I can tell he has a motive in mind, I am unsure of his intentions however. Surely nothing too awful I’d suppose.
Either way, I am off to bake a cake with grandmama for mother’s birthday, I will return eventually.
-------------------
I walked to the store with my grandmother to get some of the items for the cake that we didn’t have already. While out on our adventure, I saw a rather cute guy walking past, although he was definitely older than me, and grandmother wouldn’t have approved.
He has dark hair and a nice pair of light eyes in contrast to that. He seemed about two years older than I was, but I was willing to date older if I had to, he was quite cute looking, if I do say so myself.
However I am back at home now with my mother and Pavel. We had sung happy birthday to my mother tonight and given her cake. She was very pleased to see we had made her favourite flavour of cake, which was vanilla. It was so nice to see her happy, which is why I hardly complained about Pavel to her, I knew he made her happy and I couldn’t get in the way of that.
- Tuesday, August 14th, 2012.:
- Tuesday, August 14th, 2012.
I had gone to town again today, but this time I had gone alone. While I was out, I was window shopping, looking at all the things in the window shops. From the variety of clothes to the various different bakeries and candy shops I saw as well.
Today in my travels I had accidentally bumped into someone. Guess who it was? It was the boy that I had seen the previous day before. I got shy and nervous, and apologized immediately! I was so embarrassed, why didn’t I just watch where I was going? Surely he thought of me to be an idiot.
The boy mentioned that it was fine, and he offered a hand to me. I took it and shook it, with my cheeks ever so read. I was a fool, an idiot. This guy surely thought of me to be a weirdo! I was doomed, for ever finding someone who’d ever think to like me back! I shall live forever alone with four cats or something.
“I’m Heath.” He told me, and his accent wasn’t of the usual. He confused me a bit but I introduced myself to him, and from that we walked down the sidewalk together. My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to die!
Heath, was apparently from England, and was visiting on a family vacation. I would definitely not be able to see him again if he were to go, but I can’t just confess my fondness towards him! I am just a young girl, and I have only known him for less than a day.
I showed him around the town a bit so he got to know some places. I also met his father, he seemed like a nice man, but Heath assured me later that he was a really strict father, and was brutal to him. Heath would mention all about his life story, and all I wanted to do was help him, but how could I? I’m not even a teenager, I couldn’t possibly help him. It was hopeless.
I came back home, to see that it was just me and Pavel home for the evening until my mother got home. What a loser. Mother says he has a decent paying job but I’d say he has no job, look at him he’s home all the time, it isn’t practical. I would be just fine on my own or just fine visiting with my grandmother, but no apparently Pavel is fit for the job.
The stupid things Pavel has said to me today consist of “Where do the cups go?” Where do they always go you twit? Gosh, you’d think he’d know the house by now. The other things he’d tell me to do, “Go have a shower and get ready for bed.”, “If you get into bed now I’ll read you a bedtime story.” Excuse you? But I am twelve years old, I don’t want to hear no bedtime story, who do you think I am? What are you going to read me? I don’t need him, and I don’t need him to constantly try to be my father, why can’t he just leave me alone?! I didn’t ask for him, my mother could have done so much better, but instead she’s stuck with this no life loser.
Anyways, it is getting late, and if he were to catch me up late, I’m sure things wouldn’t end well. They haven’t in the past.
2013
- Monday, March 4th, 2013.:
- Monday, March 4th, 2013.
I’m hiding in my closet. I am terrified, and I don’t want to leave. The tears wont stop, and my body wont stop shaking. That man surely is the devil, and no one else can see it now that grandmother has passed. Grandmother was my only saving grace, and she’s gone, she can’t even help me now.
My stomach was twisted and turned upside down. I felt nauseated, I felt like I was going to throw up. I felt I couldn’t breathe, being in my room just made it all come back and I couldn’t take it. I was stilling shaking and my bottom lip was quivering. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to go back into my room, but I have to, to leave my room. I don’t want to sleep in my bed, I don’t want to sleep at all. I’m not safe, and I will never be so long as I live in this house. How could someone even do this? Were people this cruel? Was this the real world?
Each tear rolled down my face one after the other and it wouldn’t stop. Each one rolling off my jaw and into my shirt. They wouldn’t stop. The pain I felt from everything was too much, the vulgarity of that man, was horrifying. I don’t want to be home alone with him anymore, I simply can’t be.
He has violated and wrong me in so many ways, I never thought even him could be as vile as this. I am posed with the offer, of hating him even further and crying myself to sleep every night in fear of the treacherous monster that lurked in my home, or I could tell my mother and try and get rid of him. Would she even listen to me? Surely she would, I was her daughter right?
I wore, as many layers and clothes as possible. I had to put a thick barrier between me and the scum bag. I didn’t want him to touch me, I don’t want anyone to touch me ever again. I can’t trust people.
I hope he was pleased with himself, because one day I will get revenge on him, and he will know how it feels to feel lost, hopeless, betrayed, and scared. I will make him fear me, his own life will be put in danger, and I will feel no mercy for the man. He is dead to me, and he will suffer. He will pay for what he did, I can’t let such things go unpunished. It will not be allowed!
I will tell my mother and he will be gone.
- Wednesday, March 6th, 2013.:
- Wednesday, March 6th, 2013
Yesterday, I got my mother alone. I had such difficulty bringing it up, but I told her how vile of a man her husband was bringing up the points of “He violated me.” “He betrayed me.” and such on and I told her the story. For a moment I saw a pained look on her face and I had hope. I had hope my mother would listen and she’d see the disgusting man that he was.
The words that came out of her mouth, weren’t the ones I expected. Her words hit me like a train, I felt the full impact of them and I was halted in my place. Surely she didn’t say this right? It was a nightmare? I made the words up?
It wasn’t though, the words she said were real, and made me fear the house I lived even more. “Now Nika, were you up late reading stories again? Did you have a bad dream? Pavel is a nice innocent man, you shouldn’t accuse him of things. I don’t see your proof, it’ll be a game he said versus she said.” My heart sank to the bottom. It was gone, and I ran out of the house. I ran as far as I could and didn’t even pay mind to where I was at the time.
How could she say that? My own mother? she was supposed to protect me, and she was supposed to be on my side! She wasn’t though. She was just as vile as him. My mother was disgusting, and I don’t even know who she is anymore. I had spent several hours, away from home, and I only returned really late at night.
My mother and Pavel didn’t like that. They grounded me for running away. I was grounded and forced to stay in this home with the beast for a month. Only time I was allowed to go out was for school. My world was ending and it still is. Only a miracle could save me now.
So today, I am again in the closet hiding from the beast while my mother works. I wish my grandmother was still here, she’d understand and she’d take me in, but alas, she’s gone. Rest in peace grandmama.
2014
- Tuesday, December 2nd, 2014.:
- Tuesday, December 2nd, 2014.
Today was the day that I arrived at the airport in Canada. I was going to stay with a new family, finally a new breath of fresh air. They picked me up from the Vancouver airport, and they were known as the Allans’. The family was filled with a decent one that composed of a mother, father, and three children.
Upon arriving to their house, it was quite early in the morning about four am. They decided it was time to make breakfast, which was interesting. Usually back in Russia or well back at home they’d give me a bowl of oatmeal that was flavourless and disgusting, but it was food and we were poor as a family.
The mother, Vanessa Allan, was a kind woman. Her hair was still quite dark, and her beauty seemed to be preserved despite the few wrinkles in her forehead and the laugh lines on her face. She was so down to earth and selfless. However she made a bunch of pancakes. Something I had never had but heard about. “You need the Canadian experience, so we have some pure maple syrup for you to try too.” She had told me with a kind smile on her face.
Finally we all sat down at the table and I was uncertain how to eat it. I stabbed the pancake with my fork and lifted the whole thing up and tried to eat a chunk of it. The pancake was light and fluffy and soft. The syrup was sweet, almost too sweet but it was very enjoyable. I ended up getting a bit of syrup on my face from trying to eat the first one, which the family just laughed at me, and I laughed with them.
It was then that Caleb Allan, their oldest son at eighteen, showed me what to do. You had to cut the pancake up so you could grab small bits with your fork. I just laughed and thanked him for his generosity.
I got the guest bedroom for my stay, but it seemed as if they were very excited to have me. They had decorated it, in some of my interests. Such as some dance gear and some skates. They also put a giant Canadian flag in my room, as if to remind me of where I was. I just gave a small chuckle in response to it.
Despite wanting to write more on my few thoughts, I am quite tired, and this bed is very comfortable, and my eyes are slowly shutting. I am going to head off for some slumber now.
- Thursday, December 11th, 2014:
- Thursday, December 11th 2014.
Today was the first day that it snowed in Canada since I’ve been here. It was different, if it had been Russia, we’d already have at least a foot of snow. It was a bit nice to have slightly warmer temperatures.
Either way I decided to take the skates with me today and go to the public arena where the ice rink was. An indoor ice rink is completely different than what I was used to, but Liam Allan, the second oldest son, at the age of sixteen said it would be fun.
I followed him down the road to the rink, and we paid to get in. I had been dying to get back on the ice for a while since I arrived in Canada. Liam was a hockey player for his school’s team so he was going to practice some things.
I finished lacing up my skates and I walked out onto the ice. It seemed slippery at first but I got my footing and soon I began to glide on the ice. My hair had been down, and to feel it whip about as I gained speed was absolutely amazing. I loved the cold and the feeling of cold on my skin. Skating was where I belonged and I loved it so very much.
Other than that, my day wasn’t too exciting. I continued to practice some techniques I had picked up, and Liam told me I was really good. I was proud to get such an accomplishment. It was finally nice to be surrounded by more positivity.
Note: This one might not be the best if you're sensitive to heavy topics.
- Thursday, December 25th, 2014.:
- Thursday, December 25th, 2014.
Yesterday, Caleb asked me if I wanted to go to a Christmas eve party with him. His whole grade was having a party and it’d be filled with a bunch of seventeen and eighteen year olds apparently, and some older graduates. It didn’t sound too bad. Caleb made it sound fun, games, drinks, dancing, meeting new people. I didn’t see how much of it could be wrong.
We got there and things seemed to look fun. Although lots of people had been really close while dancing and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. We walked in and right away you could see a few teens were already smashed. This wasn’t going to be good from what I could see. I instantly regretted my choice, but maybe it would get better.
Soon enough I ended up playing a game I never knew existed. I think it was called beer pong or something. I am not that great at it to say the least so I ended up having to drink the grossest thing ever. Caleb just laughed at my ability to play the game. It wasn’t too long in and some of his friends had distracted him and I was sitting on a couch alone just wanting to go back home.
Before long Caleb was making out with a girl and they went off somewhere. One guy came up to me and sat down. He offered me another drink, and I decided nothing could be worse at this point. We had a casual conversation about where I was from, and why I was here. Well not the real reason just more so how I got to Canada.
It wasn’t long until I began to feel dizzy and so I went to stand up to try and walk it off, but it didn’t seem like I could. I got scared and I think this guy had realized it because he put his finger to his lips to signal silence. I wanted to call out for Caleb but I didn’t know where he was, and I was starting to panic.
His hands were on my hips, pulling me closer to him, and I didn’t want his hands on me at all, I was starting to cry but I couldn’t gain secure control over my motor functions. His hands wandered the upper half of my body as he leaned in and kissed me. I wanted him off, but I was so helpless. I didn’t understand, I didn’t want this.
It didn’t get too far, as the man was ripped off of me. I hadn’t noticed until now but my shirt had nearly been taken off. I tried to reach and fix but I couldn’t. When I looked up, it had been Caleb there. He put his jacket on me and then he picked me up and carried me out to the car.
I was so thankful for everything Caleb did for me tonight. He made sure I got home safe and he put me in bed. He had also stayed up and sat in my room with me. He just read a book or something.
Only reason I know, is because he was reading when I fell asleep and when I woke up he was still there with the book on his chest, when their youngest child, Avery Allan at the age of seven, came in telling us to wake up for Christmas morning.
Tomorrow I will write about my Christmas day, but for now I’m just going to go down and enjoy time with the Allans and try to forget last night.
2015
- Thursday, July 9th, 2015.:
- Thursday, July 9th, 2015.
I have been at camp for awhile now. I am still not used to much here but there isn’t much else I can do, is there? I miss my home back in Canada, and I plan to write a letter to them soon to explain that I am fine, but I am unable to do anything about it for the time being.
As I was walking around camp, I had took it upon myself to practice my spear throwing and using my spear stabbing wise. I needed to become a better fighter so I could contribute something to my cohort, and my camp. I didn’t want to be a loser.
While positioning my feet and holding my spear I thrust it forward to attempt to get some momentum and pierce the dummy. I groaned when it didn’t even do a thing. This was useless. Was I supposed to even be a demigod? How was this fair to have so much pressure placed on me to be good at something? I was the daughter of Jupiter so apparently that meant I should be good at things, but I’m really not.
Luckily, the Romans seemed to be more of a prove it. I don’t know why I need to help them feel better about having me, but either way, I tried for several hours, until I heard a voice behind me.
“Your footing is wrong.” He said to me. Oh no, here we go again, someone just wanting to shred me piece by piece and make me “better” I didn’t really care for it though. The guy had come up to me. He was tall, broad in the shoulders, had the dark hair with the shaved sides. His eyes blue, and striking. He reminded me of a younger Pavel in a way, and that struck fear in me.
He stood in front of me, and positioned his feet a bit differently and pointed down. “Like this.” He said. I tried to get the footing he showed me, but it wasn’t working. He just about grabbed my ankle and I pulled it back from him. “D-don’t touch me.” I stuttered and shot him a glare. Who did he think he was? He wasn’t going to touch me at all, I would shove the tip of the spear right into his hands if he tried.
After working for a few hours, I got better. “I’m Heath.” He said offering a hand out and I gave him a look and crossed my arms. “I’m Dominika. Might as well retract that hand I wont shake it.” I said growling the second part at him.
It was silence until I heard the abrupt laughter boom out from his voice. “Are you from Russia, I think I’ve met you before.” He said and soon enough I remembered him. Heath the guy I met in town. My features softened up a bit. “I didn’t think I would see you again.” I told him.
From there we caught up, and I found out various things about it, but I still refused to shake his hand.
- Friday, July 24th, 2015:
- Friday, July 24th, 2015
Today I decided to go and be alone. I went up to the temple hill near my father’s darn shrine. What was the shrine for? World’s worst father? He didn’t deserve all the respect people gave him. He didn’t care about me, he didn’t care about anyone! It just makes me so angry, how selfish he is. Why have children if you aren’t even going to be there for them. It doesn’t make sense. I wanted to yell at his shrine today but instead I sat down and was completely quiet. People didn’t understand how I felt. How could they?
They didn’t have a broken family, they didn’t have to run away from the one place comfort should be. They didn’t lose what mattered to them. They weren’t abused like I was. All these feelings made me feel like crying, and I was close to it, but it was pure and total weakness, how could someone just show that? That’s how you get taken advantage of.
I didn’t get the silence I had wanted today though. Instead I met a boy. A boy with a weird accent. Never heard the sorts before. It really was different and it was kind of interesting to listen to if I were to be honest. He asked me if I was there to make an offering to my father, how stupid. Why would I ever even think about doing that? He didn’t care about me, I was going to be done caring about him. I cared for sixteen years and now I just have nothing left to care about.
Eventually I found out he was Greek, like I even really cared? I just came to one camp, the fact that more existed across this country was a bit weird to me but I wasn’t going to question it. He introduced himself as “Dimitri Midnight.” What kind of a last name was that? He said it wasn’t fake but I said I would take his word for it. Still skeptical though.
Soon enough we had heard a sound and we walked in search of it. Turns out bear traps were frequent in Camp Jupiter. Either way, Dimitri ended up in one. Don’t worry though, I got him out, I just hope his leg isn’t ruined or anything. He seemed sort of done with life in those moments, and I just wasn’t sure what to do.
After countless tries, I managed to get the bear trap off. I have cuts on my hands as a result of it, but I got him to water to heal and fairly soon after he left.
He was an interesting individual, and that was the first time I really gave a damn in awhile. I hope he does well in the future, and makes good choices, but for now I don’t think I will see him for a good while.
2016
- Saturday, January 2nd, 2016:
- Saturday, January 2nd, 2016
I haven’t written in this for awhile, but that’s due to the fact I was stuck packing for a while and then boarded onto a plane back home. Not to Canada, I wish. To Russia unfortunately. It was requested that I come visit them for the holidays since I wasn’t doing anything anyways. Pavel is scum, and I hope he knows I’m doing this for my mother. She may be brain-washed by him, but she’s still my mother and deserves to see me. Even if she doesn’t believe me when I tell her the truth.
I left a couple days before Christmas, which wasn’t too bad, but it meant spending a lot of time with my family. I finally got to meet my younger sister Viktoria, she’s only two, but she’s the cutest kid. She has the same features that my mom and myself, blonde hair and blue eyes. Although her skin tone is a bit darker than ours and matches more of the beast that lives inside the house.
I haven’t been home in so long, and to be back in my old room brought up too many memories. Of course my new room is also my sisters room now too. I hope she doesn’t have to go through the same thing, I really hope she doesn’t. I want to bring her back with me, because she’s so full of life and her eyes light up every time she laughs and I don’t want that light to be taken from her too. It wouldn’t be fair. Hopefully he’d have half the mind to keep his hands to himself when it came to a blood relative.
Spending Christmas with her was a blast. I helped her make a little snow fort and we played hide and seek in the house. I spent most of my time with her, because she deserved it the most.
However, last night I sat down with my mother. We sat across from each other at the table. I was about three in the morning, and Pavel was fast asleep upstairs and Viktoria had fallen asleep on the couch watching cartoons. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to talk to her like a real mother ever, but that night proved me wrong.
“Did you actually tell me the truth that night?” She asked me quietly. She avoided eye contact and stared into her cup of coffee. I mixture of emotions fled me in that moment. Relief was one of the things, that she finally was asking me about the truth, but disbelief also filled me. That my own mother had to ask me if I really did tell her the truth. I tried to keep my composure and not let it get to me, but with being in the house again and seeing her face again, tears welled up in my eyes. “Why would I lie to you?” I barely managed to get out.
There was silence for a good ten minutes. “I’m sorry.” Finally came out of her mouth. The words I never thought she would say. “I’m sorry, it happened to you, I’m sorry I didn’t believe you, and I’m sorry I wasn’t a proper mother to you.” My mother paused again and this time I was the one looking down into my cup trying to conceal my tears, and avoid her gaze. I couldn’t hold it back though. I broke down for the first time in awhile. Tears wouldn’t stop falling and that was when I actually felt the her touch. She had got up and she had hugged me. I finally felt my mother’s love, the same love I felt with my grandmama, and it was nice. It was a good fleeing and one I was happy to have come home for. My mother finally understood me and believed me,and all I could do was cry in her arms until I fell asleep. It was a bitter-sweet night. Makes me hopeful for the future.
- Wednesday, May 18th 2016:
- Wednesday, May 18th 2016
This sounds dramatic, but my entire world came down today. He was everything to me. I couldn’t trust anyone for a long time, and he helped me with that. He was the one who restored my willingness to trust others and today, I don’t know if I can forgive him for what he did. He left. He said it was better this way, but how is he supposed to know what’s better? I sat by the tree we were by at the time. Who did he think he was? How could he just let go? Didn’t I mean anything to him?
Of course I did, but if he really knew how much he meant to me, he wouldn’t have left. I should have just kept it all in and kept it all to myself. I didn’t have to say anything. If I said nothing and we didn’t fight, he’d still be here, and I wouldn’t feel lost.
I don’t think he realizes just how lost I feel after this. What do I do from here? We planned things together. Sure we lived on different coasts and I did my own thing, but like magnets I knew we ended up back together somehow. That all sounds incredibly cliche and I don’t mean it to. I can’t stop the feelings that I feel.
My heart has never felt so sore, and I’ve never felt this betrayed. He knew what I left laying on the line, I told him what would happen. He still left, he f*cking left. The worst part is, I blame myself for not chasing him. You’re supposed to go after the things that are yours right? Well, why didn’t I go after him? I lost it.
There’s only one thing I can think about. One thing that could lead to this. He left for my best interest and for me to be safe because we weren’t safe to be together, but doesn’t he know there’s a strength in numbers? What’s something that would keep me unsafe? It all just links to Lear. What if I could just find Lear and kill him or whatever, would Dimitri come back? Would we be happy again? Was it possible?
Not like I could do it. I’m so weak, I can only wield a spear, and I haven’t even kept up with my agility. I’m useless, no wonder why he left. He doesn’t want to protect himself and me, I’m a burden aren’t I? There was a reason my father didn’t stay, there was a reason he didn’t help me when the monster took over. I was too much of a burden in his life. I thought I had become more than that, and thought maybe just this once, I wasn’t a burden on someone else.
- Saturday, August 6th 2016:
- Saturday, August 6th 2016
Last week was when I set out to visit my family in Canada. I hadn’t seen them in a couple years now and I didn’t really want to go back to camp, so I asked if it would be alright if I stayed with them for a while.
Upon coming back, Vanessa had gained more silver in her hair than when I had last saw her. She still held onto the beauty and kindness, I could tell she’d have that with her for a long time to come, even when she was on her deathbed she would be beyond exceptional. Vanessa really was like a second mother to me. One I could go to and one that was there for me no matter what. I never did tell her what happened and why I came to Canada in the first place, but I do plan to tell her eventually.
I also heard while I was home the eldest son Caleb was attending University of British Columbia, which was a fairly difficult school to get into for Canada. I couldn’t really say for sure as I’m not familiar with school standings unless they’re American and a school like Yale or Harvard.
The second eldest Liam was home for the summer, but working long and hard, as he was going to be attending Emily Carr, an art school on the island come September. Liam was moving out fairly soon.
Then there was the youngest, Reagan Allan, she was only 15 years old and she had managed to get herself into senior year early. She was dedicated to make a name for herself and she had high hopes. Reagan had planned to become a civil engineer.
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Returning back was fun. They had so many things to tell me and I had so many things to tell them. Well things I could tell. I wasn’t sure I could bring up my prosthetic just yet because I’d need to think of a story as to how I lost it without letting on anything about who my real father is and such on.
There was also just spending time with them again, having those family bonding moments, and just hanging out. Also the pancakes are a plus. Always. There was nothing I loved more than pancakes right now.
It was when we sat down to breakfast this morning that I had a small headache. It wasn’t anything much though, they frequent somethings if I don’t get adequate sleep. It was just us girls down for breakfast. Caleb, Liam, and their father were all at work. This left for what people called “girl talk.” Not something I frequented in. Not something I really ever did.
There were a few times with Leandra, but her and I were very distant. I was distant with the whole camp. I just went out one day and never returned. I didn’t even intend for it to be that way. There’s just no sense in going back for me. I don’t want to be there and there’s nothing camp can do for me. I just want to be done with it all.
Eventually the conversation came to the fact that I had a boyfriend now. They asked many questions about what he looked like, how old he was, what his personality was. I explained it all to them, well for the most part. I also mentioned how he had an odd sounding last name, which they only had a small giggle about.
A little after breakfast, I stood up and felt very dizzy. I clutched onto the table to steady myself and gave a smile to the two girls sitting there. “I’m alright.” I mentioned to them and continued on towards the bathroom. Upon returning from it I walked up to the ladies and told them I was going to go lay down for a bit. There was a few times I didn’t think I’d make it up the stairs, but I had.
Finally laying down in my old bed, I stared at the walls and was just left in my own thoughts. At this point I figured out that I might be coming down with something. Possible due to the long trip, and of course i was coming from the east coast to west so time zones were a thing. Even then though, I had gone between much larger time zones.
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It was afternoon when I woke up. I had decided that I wanted to go out in town a bit and check out the stores. Once getting out there I had seen a pharmacy. I had heard of them a bit, but never been inside one from another country yet. I decided to walk in and look around a bit. I saw some hair dye at one point, and considered, but decided I liked my natural hair too much to dye it.
I was about to walk out when I started to feel dizzy again, so decided to sit down in the store. I ended up near the pharmacy counter area where they had a bunch of posters up about different health problems. From one about eating your fruits and veggies and getting exercise, to some about IBS or something of the sorts. One did catch my eye, and that would be one about pregnancy.
Nothing could prepare me for what I read on it, but it was enough to make me get up and find a test. I read it was good to buy multiple, so I bought three. I didn’t think I would be, but was it a possibility? Even if it turned out negative now, I’d still have to check later. What was I going to do if I was though? I was terrified of the answer and didn’t even want to take the tests.
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After dinner I went back upstairs. I looked at the test in the box and just stared for a couple minutes. Was it possible? If it was, what was going to happen? Now wasn’t the time to bring a child into this world, not with Lear still out there somewhere. Yes, Lear seemed to be gone, but no one ever found the person, and who knew what was coming next. I had no idea, and that scared me. To add to that the dangers of being a demigod in the first place.
Maybe it would have been better if I had stayed in camp, because then if I was pregnant then I could stay there and stay in New Rome. It would suck though, because I wouldn’t even have Dimitri with me. I mean I’m not too sure on the rules about Greeks and New Rome, so not positive it would be an option.
I opened the box and read the instructions. I exhaled softly and went to take it.
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This is where by now I’ve caught up to the time it is. It’s seven in the evening and I’m waiting for the rest of the time to tick by until I can look at the test to see my results. I’m not sure if I want to even look, because I don’t think I’m prepared for the answer either way.
It said about three minutes in the instructions and I’m sure by now, it has been at least 5 minutes. I want to look, but I’m scared of the answer. Even if I find out now, how am I supposed to tell Dimitri? Neither of us deal with phones at all, and a letter could take days in the mail or even get lost!
I suppose I should go look now.
Last edited by Belle on 8/7/2016, 4:18 pm; edited 2 times in total
