Valkyrie -- Daughter of Whom~?

"Argh~!"
The exasparated shout came from the girl's bathroom. The owner of the voice glared accusingly with chocolate brown eyes at the sink, pulling her wet black hair into a ponytail. One pale hand squeezed the front of her damp cyan T-shirt.
"Valkyrie~?" A girl strode in. She was tanned, blonde, and her eyes were the shade of cornflowers. "What's wrong~?"
"Nothing, Sophia," Valkyrie lied, buttoning up her light sweater so the wetness was hidden. She smiled reassuringly at Sophia, who was convinced. Valkyrie knew her best friend was easy to manipulate, and took advantage of it every time. She knew she wasn't being a very good person, but still, secrets had to be kept.
Valkyrie would miss the day she was expelled, because she always was. It didn't matter even if she didn't do anything. It just seemed to happen. She was had ADHD and dyslexia, was it her fault~? Well, that was what she thought.
"Y'know, Valkyrie," Sophia said, "why don't we skip school~?"
"Are you trying to get me expelled~?" Valkyrie looked suspiciously at Sophia.
Sophia looked hurt. "Of course not~!" she said, her tone offended. "I just know you hate school. I do too, as a matter of fact. You could just hang around the gate while your sister drives away, then meet me at Wendy's."
Valkyrie's eyes lit up. "Okay." She walked out of the bathroom, gesturing for Sophia to join her.
Sophia smirked to herself before leaving.

I edited it again. Thanks for the corrections, Sonica~! ^.^

it looks lengthy to start off, till you read it, and notice all the spaces in the lines... I have absolutely no clue what Valkyrie looks like, what time of day it is, what Lou looks like, whether or not Chiron is in his wheelchair, what print hawaiian shirt Mr. D was wearing... in all reality, this is more along the lines of an RP post for .org than a story... with a tich of powerplaying. as it is, if I was to give it a score from one to ten, I would have to give it a 3. I'm not telling you to stop trying, I'm just suggesting improving.

First, I would write in paragraphs, with at least 5-6 sentences. this is easier to accomplish if you write in how your character feels, and what's going on around them. as it is, the characters all seem to be very static. they aren't doing anything unless you say they are.

Thanks for the tips, Theseus~! And yes, this seems sarcastic, but thanks for the critiscm (sorry if I spelt it wrong) too~! No, I'm not being sarcastic.

"Valkyrie~! Get up~!" The shout bounced around the red-and-white room, ringing in Valkyrie's ears. She stuffed the pillow over her head, groaning and cursing (under her breath).
"I don't wanna get up, Mom, go away~!" she shouted, feeling sleepy. But her mom persisted on her getting up, much to her disappointment and unsatisfaction, so she got out of bed.
Valkyrie walked towards the mirror. Her long, black hair looked awful; it was tangled and all over the place. Muttering under her breath, she proceeded to try and smooth out the tangles with her red hairbrush.


"Why did you take so long~?" Sophia complained. She looked good as usual; her blonde hair was let loose to fall to her shoulders and her purplish blue eyes gleamed with excitment.
"Today was the dance, remember~? I had to dress up. Mom insisted on it," Valkyrie complained, feeling silly in her knee-length red dress and matching high heels that made her feet hurt.
"I'm sorry for you," Sophia said, not sounding like it. Valkyrie blamed it on the fact that she was wearing her regular old T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers combo instead of being forced to totter around in high heels and a short, embarassing dress.
"Whatever, let's eat," Valkyrie said abruptly. She smoothed down her black hair nervously and looked around. She wasn't sure what Mom would say if she found out her stepdaughter was ditching school. She was glad that her laidback stepsister, Anna, had dropped her. She munched her burger, trying to shake off that thought.
"Hey, can you come to the restroom with me~?" Sophia suddenly asked her.
"Why~?"
"Please~? I'll buy you a cheeseburger next time."
"Alright."
"Thank you~!" Sophia got up, keeping her back to Valkyrie so that her smirk was unseen.
They walked into the restroom.
Valkyrie rolled her eyes as they stood there for a few minutes. "Are you too shy to go into a stall~?" she was about to say, but suddenly that turned into a scream.