The War Between the Gods

ANY AND ALL CRITIASISM IS WELCOME, BUT DO NOT SAY MY STORY SUCKS PLEASE,IF THAT IS WHAT YOU THINK KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. I'm sorry if i havent used your character yet, i will eventually get to it..im just gona put the prolouge up first anyway to see what you people think, if i get more than three comments asking for the rest i'll put them up as i write them (i have only gotten to chapter two)
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PROLOUGE:

You’ve all heard of the American Civil War, or the War Between the States, right? Well you only know half of the story. The side the presidents and generals want you to know. We are here to tell you the other half, the better half …the more deadly half. How do we know this, you ask, well it’s simple; we lived it, this is our lives. You’re also probably asking what you mean who and we; well we are Demi-Gods. Or people who are Half-God and Half-Human. Or simply put, Half Bloods. Yeah we exist, and we fought our own war, behind the lines, our own battles, with our own alliances and reasons to fight.

Although we may have some small reasons to fight, the main one is the same, slavery; and what to do about it. There are half bloods fighting for the union, which are as follows: Greek Demi-Gods, Egyptian Demi-Gods, and the Norse Demi-Gods. At the same time there are half bloods fighting for the confederacy who are as follows: Demi-Titans (who are kids of the titans, not the Gods) both Greek and Roman, and the Roman Demi-Gods themselves.

Chapter One, Welcome to C.H.B.A
Rey sighs as he walks up to the ‘meeting room’, which was basically a big, long, log house. He was a bit late seeing as how he had to be briefed for his assignment before hand. He looks around noticing everyone else…the other demi-titans like him and the roman demi-gods, the only difference between them and him…was he’s a spy for the union army.
The man at the front of the room, Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederate states of America clears his throat “Quiet children, Quiet,” he says “this is very important that you all pay attention and listen to what I have to say or you might not understand what you’re all here for.” He smiles seeing and hearing the kids go quiet “Very good, now as you all know you are half-bloods, which mean you are very important to the Confederate states, what you don’t know is this.” Jefferson says smiling “you are all now officially part of the C.H.B.A, or the Confederate Half-Blood Army, and we will use you to rival and hopefully defeat the pesky Union Army Half-Blood Division.”
Rey blinks his eyes widening as he stares at the confederate president… ‘So… Davis has decided to counter the U.A.H.B.D, Lincoln will be very happy to find this news…now to figure out where the base is so we can attack them....’ he thinks to himself smirking as he does. He laughs slightly and is nudged by a girl next to him who looks around his age but with a lighter blond hair and with the looks of a child of mars, the roman god of war.
“Stop laughing” Lindsey says rolling her eyes “I honestly don’t know what you think is so funny but you need to be quiet or we will all get in trouble” she mutters.
Rey just smirks and laughs slightly as he turns back to look at the front. When the meeting is over and Jefferson Davis has told them all their positions, himself being made a staff sergeant, he leaves to find a telegraph and immediately tells everything he’s learned to General Sherman.

thanks....and uh....welll i has up to chapter two..sooo
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Chapter Two, Friends against friends, Family against Family

Cain Lucifer, a girl with dark brown hair, muscular arms, standing at a height of 6’0” exactly, walks silently through the army camp grounds with her annoying eight year old half-brother hamlet, ham for short, and her eleven year old half-sister, grace. They all have different moms but the same dad Set, the Egyptian god of deserts, storms, chaos, violence, and foreign lands. Cain groans as ham tries to bite his indestructible steel grilled cheese sandwich again “…Hamlet you can not eat that, how many times do I have to tell you this!” she says annoyed.
Ham rolls his eyes “I’m going to find a way to eat it, and when I do… I’ll….I’ll…I don’t know what I’ll do…” he says sighing. His sister Grace smiles and says “I think it’s funny that he actually tries to eat it…its quite amusing when he does if you ask me”
Cain rolls her eyes “Well I didn’t ask you, now did I?” she says grumbling she sighs “...Come on we are going to be late” she mutters as she accidentally bumps into a boy, the oldest kid her… Parker around eighteen years old with brown hair, blue eyes, and elfish ears like all the Hermes’ kids but very buff “…oh…my bad, sorry parker” she mutters looking up at him, because he stands at 6’3”.
Parker laughs slightly smiling “Hello Cain…and don’t worry about it, all is well, ‘tis was just an accident” he says. “So where are you three off to any way?” he asks looking around at the camp, just now noticing everyone is going the same way… towards the mess hall, the biggest building at this damn camp. ‘Hmm… a meeting I guess I missed that announcement, well strike one on being a good spy’ he sighs realizing it before she even says “the meeting, we’re late…come on” she says the latter to her family and walks off.
As they enter the mess hall, stuffed into the back near the entrance because of the fact that they are the last people to enter the mess hall, they look up at the front where everyone else’s eyes are trained on; they see none other that General Sherman.
General Sherman clears his throat before speaking “As you all have heard I called this meeting on a count that our …Ahhhh sources have discovered that the Confederate army has created their own division or army of half-bloods, to rival all of you; in hopes of taking you out of the picture to help them win this blasted war between the states.” He looks around at all the faces of the kids…some not even older than five or four years old. He sighs and says “They Confederate Army has made an alliance with the Roman Gods, and the Titans… thus, making this not only a war between the states, but a war between the gods.” A few startled gasps go up around the room as they all let the feeling sink in that they might be fighting against kids they either grew up with or met before the war between the states, before the U.S.A went into a Civil War…and now a war that is fought not just with great big armies and famous generals…but with kids with powers….godly powers.

OOOOOH.
I like it. I can't wait for more!

Thats good Shadey. I cant wait to read more, and i seriously hope you get an A++ ( i wish we could get 2 +'s :/)

thanks...and i'll try to write more..its not my thing though

I like it.

I really like it. Though, I do have a few suggestions.

1) Don't put '...' just say it.
2) Watch your commas.
3) Some gramatical errors.
4) You could reword a couple sentences, but they still make sense either way.
5) A bit more description. What does the camp look like? What do the other kids look like?
as in:
-At 18, Parker was the oldest kid at camp. Standing at 6'3 with blue eyes, and a muscular built body, he looked ready to led an army. The other kids at the camp were (descrpition of other kids here)

Like I said, I really like it. I can't wait till the rest.

I have a suggestion, Maybe you could possibly space it between paragraphs because for one it makes it hard for me to read as it is now.

i did on microsoft word...but when i coppied it here it didnt space it...
and..okay, i'll try