Hidden Mist

Prologue

Love is a difficult thing. People can chooseto ignore it, or they can choose for that to be the subject of their life.People who ignore it tend to be sane, while the people who are absorbed with ittend to be insane. This is the story of a boy, Marcus, who fell in love with agirl, Eve, who chose the pathway of ignoring love. Not that she didn't havefeelings for him, she was even more in love with him then he with she. But no,Eve made it plain that she wanted nothing to do with her. Nothing at all. Butwhen Marcus mysteriously disappears while on an expedition in the heat of the Sahara desert, Eve has to prove her worthiness and findout a little about her self and the thing called love. This is the story offinding what’s hidden in the hidden mist.

I like the beginning.
Some things to watch out for:
1. "But no,Eve made it plain that she wanted nothing to do with her." Ummm.... remember who is the guy... 8D
2. "ittend" I'm not sure what word you really meant to put there.

Other then that, I'm excited for more.

oops. oh well... anyway I'm about ready to post 1st chapter! Even though nobody else except for you NGf read this...

first chapter... even though only NGF is following it..

Chapter 1


Eve grumbles as she picks up her jacket. Another day passedin this god forbidden place, she thought. When could she get out of here? Shestood up and walked to the cafeteria. When she passed the office she had tocover her ears to block the noise of drills drilling in a new shiny plaque thatstood out before the many others. She stopped to read it, “HUMPTON HIGH SCHOOL,RATED THE BEST SCHOOL IN THE US!” She made a face at it and muttered, “As if.”She walked past the art room which stank of clay and pastels. She walked in andsaid a polite hello to the art teacher, Miss. Bradley. “May I eat lunch inhere?” Eve asks politely. Ms. Bradley replied, “Yes like all the other times.”She smiled and winked her crimson auburn eyes that resembled a leaf in autumn.Like always she wore jeans tucked into ug boots and a pale blue-green t-shirtwith the motto, “Art is like jeans, italways comforts you!” that made Eve smile when ever she saw it. Without Ms.Bradley, school would be even harder. Eve grinned and went up to fetch herluch. She walked back pass the office and into the even louder cafeteria wherepeople were yelling across the room. This is why I never eat in here shethinks. She goes into line and grimaces at the hamburgers. “No thank you,” shesays when the lunch lady offers her one. “I just want a salad,” she says takinga small salad with only veggies. “No dressing also please,” she says to her.She pays for it and walks back into the art class. No Ms. Bradley. “Huh,” shesays out loud, “I wonder where she is.” She sits down and she picks at herlettuce. Suddenly, a loud noise fills the serene mood. “WHATS UP LOSER?” a loudand obnoxious voice says. Eve turns her head to face a prodigious male figuredressed in baggy clothes. “Go away,” Eve says turning back to face her lunch.“Aren’t you gonna go call for your savior? ‘Ms. Bradley! Ms. Bradley! Come andhelp me with your ugly clothes to frighten them!’” he says in an odious voice.“Ahemm,” says a kind but strict voice behind him. The boy turns around the meetMs. Bradley. “Uhh.. hi…” he titters, his countenance showing fear. “Yes, helloGabrielle,” she says in a solid, and unusually firm voice. “So… what were yousaying about my clothes?” she also says in a more light sound. “Nothing, Miss. Bradley Ma’am!” hesays stumbling in all the right places. Eve smiles for a moment. She stopsabruptly as she remembers something her mom used to say to her. “Remember, never be joyful at your enemiesexpense! Always sympathize, as you are the higher one at that moment,” Shesighs and turns her attention back to Gabrielle. “Now go, now! Or I won’t be asnice!” Miss.Bradley says to him. He runs off, running like an injured dog. Miss. Bradley smiles atme, then answers a ringing cell in her small handbag. “Yes.. Uh huh…. I haveher here…. Sure…. Be right there!” she mutters into the phone with a grim face .“What happened?” Eve asks with curiousity. “Marcus has been kidnapped,” shesays in a stony voice.

It's good.
You should probably make it more then one paragraph.
Every time someone different speaks you should make a new paragraph.
EX: This is what you have.
“HUMPTON HIGH SCHOOL,RATED THE BEST SCHOOL IN THE US!” She made a face at it and muttered, “As if.”
This is what would be better and easier to read.
"HUMPTON HIGH SCHOOL, RATED THE BEST SCHOOL IN THE US!"
She made a face at it and muttered, "As if."

Thanks for the tip. And my stupid laptop keeps on forgetting my spaces!

It's fine, just keep going.

I know! Next chapter marcus shall be revealed!

Can't wait! :3

yeah!

i think its good

thanks!

its good :D

thanks

Hmm sounds good.

Thnx.

i tried to make the story not fan fic. Hope ya like!
CHAPTER2


Marcus struggled at the ropes restraining him.

“LET ME OUT!” he screamed at his captors.

“Silence puny boy!” said the man on a huge grey horse. Hewas very burly with rips all over his black war suit. The man pulled Marcus tohis feet and pulled him on the horse.

Marcus spat on him while admiring his great horse. It wasmanifest that it was a war horse with the great silver armor that was placed onthe horse.

“Names Herc, after Hercules,” said the man gruffly. Heshifted his weight over to the right as they made a sharp turn.

“Who? The horse or you?” Marcus said with a hint of sarcasm.He scowled at the horses’ grace and elegance as it easily leaped over a largetree that blocked their path.

“And by the way, where are we?” he said to the strange man.

“The horse of course! Me name be Lit, and we be in Greece!Don’t yar know yar history?” said the man harshly. He stopped the horse androughly took Marcus’s hand.

“Yar be a Greek! Yar branch nar shown yet though,” he saidsoftly. He let go of Marcus’s hand and nudged the horse to go.

“My name is Marcus and why did you grab my hand?” Marcusasked confused. He looked at his own hand and gasped. On his palm a smallsymbol was starting to form. A long curvy line and another small wave were nextto it.

“Why don’t yar know?” the man said, “Yar mark is coming intobearing! Soon, yar will be in a branch training to beat those filthy Norses andEgyptians!” he said loudly, “Maybe yar will even be the mage of the group!Helping out the god of the branch! Me branch is Ares, the best their ever is!”He banged his fist on the armor and Herc jumped back startled.

“Mark?” said Marcus even more Puzzled. “Branch? God?”

“Yar mark! It be yar symbol on yar hand! Don’t yar knowanything? There be three main cultures, Greek, Egyptian, and the cursed Norse!There be a war going on between the Greeks and the Norses. They be mad ‘causewe found a way to change marks! They be just jealous!” Lit said betweenbreaths. “Each god or goddess has a branch, where they teach yar how to be ahero. In each branch there be a mage too, they are the only one with theability of magic.”

“How could this be possible?” Marcus said slowly.

“It is,” said Lit, “and here we be, at Athenswaiting for my patron to arrive.” Lit smiled proudly at the mention of hismentors name. “Ares said I could be a mage!”

“Ares?” said Marcus nervously. “So this is all real? Thisisn’t a dream?”

“No! Of course not! I hope yar is nice to him, ‘cause he isa fierce person. Yes he is indeed!” Lit said anxiously.

Marcus shifted nervously. If this was all true, then he didNOT want to see Ares.

It's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY good.
Don't worry, it doesn't seem like a fanfict to me, write some more please.
:3

thanks you. and heads up because Eve's mark is WAY different from Marcus's.

sounds really good

thank you

CHAPTER 3


“Marcus? You mean the Marcus who follows me around day andnight?” Eve asked.

“Yes,” Miss. Bradley said, “that Marcus.” Eve groaned andsat down in her seat.

“But, what how do you know he was kidnapped?” Eve askedagain. Eve sighed at the thought of that cute boy Marcus. Marcus had alwaysliked Eve but she had never even waved at him.

Miss. Bradleysighed, “I have my ways.”

“Okay, then who was he kidnapped by?” Eve asked.

“Greeks, those filthy Greeks who kidnapped my parents!” shesaid with a wave of anger that Eve have never ever saw before.

“Wait… you mean like those people from Greece?”Eve asked her confused.

“No! Greeks as in…let me explain. A long time ago there werethree ancient heritages. They were the birth of all the rest. The Norse,Egyptian, and the horrid Greeks! They were all brilliant even the Greeks. Therewere different groups in the heritages all of them having a god/goddess fortheir leader in the group. Each group was like a town and one person in thetown was the mage. The mage was the only one who got to be taught magic by thegod or goddess.” Miss. Bradleysaid in one breath.

“What???” Eve asked her with even more puzzlement. “You meangods and goddesses are... real?”

“Of course, now back to my tale. You were sorted into theheritages and the branches by your mark. Your mark appears on your hand whenyou turn about 14 or 15,”she said.

“But, I’m fifteen!” Eve said.

“Exactly. And so is Marcus. The Greeks has kidnapped himbecause about fifty years ago a Greek scientist, (probably an Athena) discovereda way to change somebody’s mark by making some sort of potion or what ever.They think that you and Marcus have the makings of a true warrior and theythink if they kidnap Marcus then you will go after him and they will have youboth.” She said lazily.

“And how do I know your telling the truth?” Eve askedsuspiciously.

Miss. Bradleysighed as she snapped her fingers. Multiple cats immediately appeared andstarted to meow at her feet. At her command they pounced on the left wall,tearing the art work on it to pieces.

“That good enough? I’m the mage of Bast, the Egyptiangoddess of cats. The Egyptians have paired up with the Norses because theythink also that what the Greeks are doing is terrible.” She said.

“What is my mark?” Eve asked her.

Miss. Bradleysmiled at her and picked up her hand.

“I hope its Egyptian…” she mutters under her breath. Whenshe picks up Eve’s hand she examines it closely.

“You’re a Norse, definitely. Branch looks like a…Thor, or a Freyr, maybeeven Skadi,” She said letting go of Eve’s hand.

“Why me then? I’m no warrior, I can barely survive at Gymclass how do you expect me to survive at a battle field?” Eve said.

“Because that is not what makes up a true warrior, a truewarrior is some one who is brave, loyal, and has determination to do what isright. And that is exactly you, Eve.” She said.

“But I’m not any of those things!” Eve cried out.

“Yes you are, I have been watching you. Look at the way youdidn’t make fun of Gabrielle even when he was being scolded at me. Look at theway you never say a bad word about anyone and how you always stick up for yourfriend. Believe it or not Eve, you are a warrior,” she said.

“So when do I start?” Eve asked trying to sound confident.

“Right now. I’m calling some friends to pick us up. Theywill take us to head quarters,” Miss. Bradley said.

“Where is head quarters?” she asked her.

“We used to operate over seas but that would take to long sowe have decided to go to our American branch,” Ms. Bradley said.

“Well, where is it?” Eve asked again.

“It’s in Hawaii.Somewhere deep in a volcano,” she said.

“V-volcano?” Eve said nervously.

“Don’t worry the Norse and Egyptian gods have already put alot of spells and gadgets and stuff to stop the volcano from ever erupting,”she said.

“So we’re going to Hawaii?”Eve asked.

“We’re going to Hawaii,”she confirmed.

Eve gulped. In normal circumstances she would have loved togo to Hawaii, but in thesecircumstances she would have rather not. But, there was no turning back.

This is really good write more!

thanks.