The shadow hope

Thank you

Comrade break

Hello

OK. Just send the next chapter to me for editing when it's ready!

Meanwhile below the chaos......


"who exactly are you?" I ask the girl who is leading us though this passage way.  "my name is Kim, Kim Clark, and you three are?" she says looking back taking off her hood revealing her amazing hair that had been braided.  "well I'm Zachary, this is my brother viper and that over there is the famous Diana star". "yes I'm Diana star and if I recall Kim, your father was a criminal and you where sent to juvie".
"yes and no but lets get out of here before we start an argument" Kim said putting her hood back up. Suddenly there was a large rumbling sound and as we looked behind us we saw a gigantic boulder coming straight at us........

x...x....x.....

Meanwhile up above

"I don't give a s**t if your a double crosser Just let go of MY boyfriend!" Shan yells at Emily who has a knife poking in his back.  "or what are you going to do......poke me with your finger?" Emily said tauntingly while still holding the knife to Dylan's back.  Then Morgan who had been remaining silent and was watching the chaos walked to the door slowly and slipped out unnoticed and saw a dark shape moving a away from her, so being a brave spartan warrior she took off after the figure.

x...x...x...

Back underground

"ahhhhhhhhhh" three out of the four of us yelled as we bolted down the corridor as a ten ton stone ball came rolling after us. Then Diana leaped to the side into a nook and grabbed viper and pulled him in, so now it was only Kim and I as we ran for our lives.  "zach I have an idea!" she yelled to me her amazing hair swept back "there's a nook or tunnel on our left we need to jump in it!". I nodded and jumped into the nook that turned into a chute straight down into a empty room, kinda like a jail cell. Before I could examine the room much more Kim came down the chute and fell on me "I'm so sorry" she said then sat down on a bench that was camouflaged into the wall. "Kim, it's nice to see you again under less violent circumstances, like last year at the beach" I say glad we were finally alone, but yet worry about my brother. "yea though last year was fun., especially when you wiped out" she said giggling. "yes that was fun but now we have a problem" I tell her observing the small room we are in.  She stood up walked over to be, kissed me on the cheek and said "don't worry we will find a way out".

x...x...x....

Back upstairs in the cell 

"i wouldn't pick up that blade" Eric warned Shan. "don't tell me what to do you witch!, your the reason my boyfriend is on the floor unconscious" shan yells back picking up the dropped knife and lunges at Eric with it.  However on the other side of the cell, Emily handcuffed Dylan to the bars then walked out of the prison leaving Eric to fight Shan alone.  Eric then quickly blocks her lunge with his saber and thrusts at her legs, but Shan stabs her knife in the handle and disarms him. "your a good knife fighter, I'll give you that" he said then knocks her on her back.

lol awesome

Thanks this is just the beginning..

Well-written and creative. I hope you'll continue it soon. I'm an adult, green-eyered and evil woman and I'm very satisfy with it.

Your welcome buffy

This is really good, you'll go far :pirat:

THIS.... IS.... AMAZING!!!!! I love it. You are amazing at writing, a talent that only few have.

Thanks

Good job!

Thanks silver

Meanwhile in the corridor... 

Morgan sneaked down the hall after the mysterious person, being careful not to be seen. 'careful' she thought to herself  as she crept closed, and when the target was five feet away she tackled the stranger and revealed that it was shaya. "ow what was that for?" shay asked slightly annoyed and slapped morgan. Morgan got up and apologized "sorry I thought you were a guard, by the way do you know where the armory is?". "sure it's right though this room" shay said and as they opened the door they saw two girls and a guy arguing, "who are they?" shay asked already knowing one of the answers.  "why don't we go find out" Morgan said tying up shays hands "I'm a villain you know, not your friend".  Then a guy dressed in armor came up and grabbed shay by the neck "and I'm the blaze".
x...x....x....

Meanwhile underground in a corridor......


"Diana?, are you scared?" viper asked as they walked down the corridor quietly.  "no I'm not scared and look there's a door" she said pointing to an elegant set of double doors. As they opened it they saw three figures up on a platform. "who are they and what are they saying?". "I don't know but I know that the guy there is commander static nova" viper replied smiling coldly.

x....x....x.....

Back in the cell....


"so pretty princess going to strike?" Eric taunted at Shan, while holding his sword mockingly.  "don't you dare call me a princess or I will destroy you!" Shan shouted and in a burst of anger leaped forward and knocked Eric down making him drop his sword. Dylan then scooped up the blade and ran over to the other cell mate who had been knocked out during the fight.  "Eric, give me one good reason why I shouldn't stab you right now!" Shan shouted at him waiting for a reply.  "cause I'm your only way out of this" Eric said obviously desperate. Shan then took the silver knife she was holding and raised it above her head and brought it down right into the heart and left it there.  "Shan over here!" Dylan yelled to her as he tried to wake the other girl up.  Just then the girl bolted awake and punched Dylan in the arm. Shan quickly ran over to the girl helped her up and asked "what's your name?".  The girl then said "I am Laura Buffy, a slayer warrior".  

Beast

Interesting on how you included people from this site.

Any complaints or comments?$

keep it up

Do you want me to critique or no? Some stories aren't exactly welcome to critique of such, and often take it hard.

I'm very welcome to critique and I can take any type of it

First of all, you have a great structure of plot going on, it's just the lack of description. Maybe it's hard to write in third person point of view? Maybe you can use one of the five senses for writing at least some type of descript.
Well, since your group of characters seem to be running away from something, they shouldn't be so, well welcoming to new characters(such as shan and dylan, unless they're the good guys). Perhaps a little bit hostile, then being like this
random person#1: hi
random person#2: let's go on a journey and have some fun!
random person#1: sure thing!!! i don't care that you can kill me in my sleep since you're carrying a sword right now!
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At the moment, I can't think of more critique at the moment, but as you continue to post more chapters, I'll make sure to give you some good ol' constructive criticsm! (:

Alright I'm working on a better version a edited version



Are there any fatal mistakes I have made?

sounds good cuz

Thanks pilot