The shadow hope

Your tale was so interesting, and it was a real saga.

AWESOME STORY!
Please carry on.

Thanks I will continue

Meanwhile back in the old cell...


"Kim, I think I found a way out" I told her as I scratched the paint off the wall and revealed a symbol.  The symbol was a wolf in front of a silver moon with ten stars around it each with a letter in it. "I'll copy this down in my notebook it might be important for later" I say when suddenly I smell something abnormal, gas!  "zach! There's gas coming in from that vent! What should we do?" she asked then collapsed unconscious onto the cold smooth tile floor.

x...x...x....

Back in the throne room....

"excellent job blazer and Morgan, you caught my little disgrace" nova said eerily walking towards the threesome "Morgan go and track down my son and blaze go and retrieve Shan and Dylan".  "what are you going to do to me?, you stuck up half witted scruffy looking nerfherder!" shay yelled at nova, her father while rubbing her wrists around the rope.  "hey look it's my stupid idiot sister" Rita said eyeing her sister and letting a evil smile escape her lips.  "what do you want to do to me you-you fudge bucket!" shay said annoyed and then she heard someone walk up behind her.  "ah python would you please arm up my little disgrace then throw her in the arena?, we have a family issue to 'discuss'".  As they were talking viper and Diana crept up along the wall then carefully jumped behind the thrown.

x...x...x...

Back with Shan and Dylan......

"no way you can't be a slayer warrior those were extinct decades ago" Shan said from dismay and examined the supposed slayer. Laura was wearing strange maroon and back textured armor and had a secret knife concealed up her sleeve, her dirty blond haired was uneven and messy and was hanging over her left eye.  "well we better get out of here before they come check on us" Dylan says rising up from the wet floor that he was laying on.  "yes we have to leave this cell but also get weapons" Buffy said while looking at Shans untidy hair and Dylan's ripped and bloody shirt.

x...x...x....

Back in the old cell....


"Kim get up!" I yelled as gas rapidly filled the small cell and it quickly got harder to see.  I covered my mouth with my shirt and while coughing I slammed my shoulder into the rusty door and it creaked and moved....barely.  Then I resorted to plan b, I grabbed an old 2x4 in the cell and used it as a battering ram and knocked the old tough door off it's hinges. As the gas escaped the room violently I ran back in coughing all the way grabbed the unconscious form of Kim and hauled her out and laid her down about twenty feet away from the cell and kneeled down. I put my ear above her lips and could barely feel the warm breathe exhaling from her body.....

nice story! keep goin!

since my wife in the story why can't i be in it too? i daily critique it too .n.
Alright, you're getting better at this.
Remember when you're characters are speaking to capitalize!!! (:
Other then that, I'm still having trouble what you're plot is building at, but you're getting better at it.

Ok Shan is editing all my mistakes and the final version wil come out soon

It's genius! I love it!
Be more descriptive though. It adds credibility ;)

Alright my twin

Well, if you want to make a good story (the formatting), I think you should make a new paragraph everytime another speaker speaks.
Exp: "Hello," I said to my brother.
"Hi!" he replied cheerly.
This kind of formatting is good (at least my grammar teacher thinks so), and it would be better for us to see your story. Good job, anyway.

That will be in the final version

awesome keep it up!!!!!

Thank

NP!

Anything anytime

so are you gonna continue?

Duh

ok cuz im bored and i cant anyone to join my site so...

Awseome

Thanks

Hmm, as what others have said, more description would be great, and just watch the capitol letters and stuff, makes it look better :)

But apart from that its really good, the story is very interesting, and its constantly new things jumping out at the reader :)

Zach Can i appear again by helping u escape

Thanks and maybe

sounds good!

Thanks pilot